also:

what i love most about this gif is how it says so much about the absurdity that is "Oprah," without me having to, so i can just sit back, be appalled, and giggle a little.

(seriously, she must enjoy turning ppl into weepy pathetic maniacs. the sheer delight in her face! she is basking in the glory of emotional wreckage. Oprah being a homicidal maniac is a droll turn on extant reality.)

true story

Groundhog Day could be viewed as a commentary on the nature of modern celebrity. A cute, hairy creature has become famous for doing something with minimal accuracy because he is surrounded by men in funny hats. Subtract two legs and a tail and that's the Justin Bieber narrative all over.

-from here.

Michael Jordan

that's some heavy stuff, MJ. i dare say, you are too filthy rich to be a nihilist. i call shenanigans!

the trouble with Tiger Woods

i read this really great article today, about Tiger Woods and his recent "fall from grace" (the only article about Tiger's recent media scandal i could bear to read. i can't stand watching the media pick apart celebrities like that, when they're obviously having some serious family/marital issues). [i find the more i try to read about grad programs in education and the more i try to write something related to a personal statement, the more news i end up reading, and the more blog posts i end up writing. at least i'm being productive in some way?]

i was working online when the Tiger story first broke, and was ostensibly mistaken in thinking it would subside quickly. since that Thanksgiving weekend, the story has been a topic of almost daily discussion in entertainment/celebrity news circles and manages to leak into the periphery whenever i venture online.

but this article i read today takes a much-needed critical stance on Tiger's problems that has been completely ignored and excluded in the majority all of recent corporate media coverage. [it is interesting to note that the article i read incidentally comes from a grassroots, socialist-leaning, online media co-op. coincidence?] the article discusses Tiger's loss in corporate sponsorship as a result of his negative media attention and the pulling of Tiger spots and commercials, even the halt of his own Gatorade drink, "Tiger Focus." of course, it came as no surprise that Tiger's irresponsible conduct would result in huge blows to his public image and career – the almost total loss of his billion-dollar sponsorships, the subsequent self-imposed exile from golf and life, the increasing amount of tarnish on a once veneered and venerable public image – but, what this article brings up that others have forgotten in the sizzle and scandal, is that Tiger's had it coming for a while, and not just in the sense that he's received his comeuppance for marital infidelity, i mean a practiced neglect for social responsibility in his career actions.

unbeknownst to me prior to the recent media attn, Tiger's had some pretty nasty corporate bed fellows, including Chevron and Nike (who, touchingly, bucked the trend of dropping him, choosing instead to stand by their cash cow, citing his tenure on their payroll and his proven athleticism). Nike, Tiger's sponsor for ten years and counting, is also, let's not forget, well known for their use of sweat shops. so Nike's loyalty is perhaps not undeserved: Tiger, in his ten years under their sponsorship, has never once spoken against or implored them to pursue different labor practices. and this, it seems, is only the tip of the iceberg. Tiger has been linked to selling his celebrity super power of distraction to aid the efforts of developers and military in ousting Filipino peasants from their land, in the name of bringing golf and golf courses to the Philippines.

as this article makes clear, Tiger's conduct has deserved scrutiny for quite some time, albeit for different reasons than what warranted his current media spanking. while the world continues to lament Tiger's tarnished public image, it is necessary that we pry a little beyond merely the celebrity tabloid fodder and get at the real reason for Tiger's declining success (considering his involvement with some questionably irresponsible corporations and businesses, is it any surprise that at the first sign of trouble, they decided to jump ship? corporations do not usually specialize in solidarity or compassion, maybe Tiger would have learned that if he'd checked up on some things).

accepting things for how they are and focusing on just how one benefits from the system is to live in denial that the system eventually comes back to screw you over.

-stephan!e

on the nature of grief

something about mourning feels compensatory, which only adds to my feelings of grief – i wish i didn't have to make up for anything now that it's too late, but that's always what it comes to. that's, what i think, bereavement is supposed to feel like. like you didn't do all you could. always making up for something.

this is the distinct difference i experience between deaths of "celebrities" and deaths of "ordinary people." celebrities had their whole lives to be celebrated, they had the advantage of fame. when they die, it's published on the front page, given a retrospective at the Oscars, and every person in every corner of the world shrugs their shoulders, moves on. maybe it was someone's favorite childhood actor, but you still have the videos on tape and could buy the anniversary addition dvd if you wanted it. there's footage there, there's documentation, there's always remnants of the lingering past.

ordinary people, no matter how extraordinary and wonderful they are, pass unnoticed. photographs here and there, maybe some traces of video. some footage may have been lost. but there is no video of his life, no documentary we can all watch to remember, to bring him back to life. only fragmented memories, and regrets. no matter how handsome of a man my uncle Tony was, not everyone had the pleasure of knowing him. many people will no longer get the opportunity.

this is the marked difference, and what makes grieving so exhausting and consuming: the feeling of missed opportunity. while with celebrities the state of fame exhausts their human potential and makes it so easily accessible and oversaturated, the real people in our lives are still mysteries, rare opportunities, special occasions. they are people with unique mannerisms, a one-of-a-kind laugh, a smile that could light up the room. they have all the qualities of famous people (charisma, charming good looks, philanthropy, amiability, talents), but their humanity was evident before your eyes, and you are compelled to wonder why it is that they are not famous, but feel so lucky and blessed to be part of such a magnificent secret. and because their lives aren't broadcast ad nauseum, you can never get enough. every moment with them feels like such a gift, and you always want more, always worry about the moment all that will be taken away, missed opportunities making up the bulk of the gap.

i'm now in my 4th day of mourning, and though the crying fits have decreased, the grief has not subsided. when my mind is let to wander, it keeps going back to all the times i saw him, and even more, it lingers on the times i could have seen him, but didn't. pondering the finiteness of life and how if i had only been more aware of life as a space between to brackets – [ ] – would i have spent the intervening time so far away?

when Kurt Vonnegut died, i felt sad. but mostly it was a regret that i could no longer meet him and tell him i loved his books and beg him to autograph one. when my uncle Tony died, i was thrown into what felt like a maelstrom of depression, regretting every summer spent so far away, regretting these months i've been living so close, but just far enough that i didn't visit more regularly. regretting not going to San Francisco when i had the chance to visit him, take him out to dinner, watch him eat and talk and pour his tea, give him a hug and tell him how much i love him and how much i think about him.

this regret is the most painful kind. and so, the nature of my grief.

liveblogging the Oscars

Best Actress winner Marion Cotillard, looking radiant - her speech was definitely the highlight of the evening, in my honest opinion.

screw Carpetbagger. this snarky chick and her snippy friend Brandon had our own little (unplanned) blog-fest for the 80th Academy Awards!

while i sat in my room with the telly on, a cup of peppermint tea in hand and my senior project books spread around me, Brandon and i chatted back and forth about the Oscars, facial hair, and it was a love fest!

so here are the Oscars, as experienced thru our unabashedly snarky commentary:

me: hi, are u watching the oscars?

10:15 PM Brandon: yeah

me: i LOVE marion cotillard

her speech nearly made me cry

she is so gorgeous

Brandon: yeah, seriously. I think i would have been funny if any one of those ladies had won

*would have been happy

i can't think

me: ha

10:16 PM yeah, agreed, but i really wanted her to win the most

well, and julie christie too, but more cuz she's old

Brandon: yeah...I dont know why she was so surprised. She was who i was expecting haha

julie christie was incredible though in that movie

me: yeah she was

Brandon: she definitely deserved it as well

10:17 PM and I really liked Cate's reaction

me: yeah i love her!

Brandon: she looked so incredibly happy for Marillon it was ridiculous

me: i loved how she was so thrilled for Marion

yeah, haha

Brandon: i dont know what is up with my typing tonight

me: mine was like that this morning

i was hitting all the wrong buttons

and saying words i didn't mean

ok wtf

10:18 PM it seems like Jon Stewart is trying too hard to be funny

OMG is Glen Hansard going to sing??!!

10:19 PM YAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!

Brandon: holy fuck that was a huge orchestra for that one little intro part lol

10:20 PM me: yeah, haha

i think it's the orchestra that plays the exit music too tho

oh, and Glen is sans beard

i hope they win the Oscar

i feel like they deserve it more than the other acts so far, which have been kinda shitty to be honest

10:21 PM i love how Glen is playing his beat up guitar too

10:22 PM aw, they were cute

10:23 PM Brandon: jack nicholson, however, is not lol

he kind of seems like the ultimate creeper to me

me: yeah, i think that's kinda a persona he's cultivated over the years

10:24 PM wow, some of these older movies look AWFUL

Brandon: thats what makes them so good lol

me: aw, it's the Dragonheart theme!

Brandon: i love bad old movies

me: i LOVE that movie

i really want to watch it now

10:26 PM ok, wtf, Oliver! was a best picture?

and Rocky?

that seems wrong

Brandon: i FUCKING love amadeus!

i had no idea that was a best picture

10:27 PM that makes me so happy

10:28 PM me: i love that movie too

it's so creepy

7 minutes

10:36 PM me: that was weird how they zoomed in on Nicole, rather than the guy who was actually getting the award

wow, the camerawork here is ridiculous

it's EVERYWHERE

Brandon: yeah...this is what one of my friends wrote in his live-journaling of the event:
10:32 -- What the fuck is that diamond necklace-ish thing hanging off of Nicole Kidman? I'm sure it's worth a bazillion dollars, but it's only favoring one of her titties and it looks so weird.

10:37 PM me: oh no, are they going to play the music on him?

haha

Brandon: i dont think they play the music for the special people awards

me: it does look a little chintzy

i hope not

but they might as well since they're not focusing the camera on him

it seems like no one there is listening

10:38 PM Brandon: haha! they should showed this old guy who was sleeping lol

me: haha

10:40 PM this is horrible, i'm not getting anything done b/c the tv is on

Brandon: me neither...I decided to instead try to catch up on some of my photo uploading lol

10:41 PM me: ooo that at least sounds like a useful way to spend the time

10:43 PM wow, i haven't seen any of these foreign lang films!

Brandon: I really wish there was an easily accesible way to see the foreign language films and short animated features

me: agreed!

shorts are esp hard to find

10:45 PM Brandon: I know i hate that

I would love to be able to see them but i have no idea where to find them

10:46 PM me: i love how they take the time to make the song performances so elaborate

Brandon: yeah...these are ridiculous productions

10:47 PM me: Once's wasn't

Brandon: not at all lol

it was just the two of them and their little instruments

and everything else...HUGE production values!

me: + a wall of guitars, but they weren't dancing

10:48 PM they coulda added some pyrotechnics at least

i mean come on!

10:49 PM i like how John Travolta just waltzed in

because u're a song and dance man, John!!

"Falling Slowly" ftw!!!

10:50 PM Brandon: if august rush wins i won't be AS upset as if enchanted wins

yay!!

me: YAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!

Brandon: she's so effing young

me: oh they're so cute!

how old is she?

Brandon: i think it's more disturbing than cute lol

10:51 PM she's 19 now i think...and they 'fell in love' when she was like 13 or something

and he's like in his early 40's now i think

me: whoa, weird

10:52 PM and i like how she didn't even get to speak

HA, 'male menopause'

you mean a hot flash, Steve?

10:53 PM Brandon: i love steve [spielberg] lol

me: i like chatting while we watch the oscars, it makes it more fun

Brandon: it's ALMOST like watching them together lol

10:54 PM me: hah

Brandon: which i guess we just should have done in the first place!

but i didnt know you were going to watch them

10:55 PM me: yeah, we probly should have watched them together

u're still welcome over, if u'd like

tho i thought u were doing homework

Brandon: oh gosh no!

i never do homework anymore lol

i will probably try to get something done after the show though

10:56 PM me: yeah, in like another hour?

or are they already almost over?

Brandon: im not sure

me: i have no idea what's been announced

i haven't even really been paying attn

did they do the shorts?

10:57 PM Brandon: yeah

me: aw, that's so cute that they're letting her say something

Brandon: yeah, her microphone got cut off i guess

too bad it has to be done so awkwardly lol

10:58 PM me: yeah, seriously

but she was well-spoken

HAHAHA

that was the BEST anecdote EVER

"let's have them kiss"/"but they're both guys!"/ "but this is Hollywood!"

10:59 PM Brandon: yeah, they're cute

11:00 PM me: they didn't do the lead actors yet right?

i think that's one of the last ones

Brandon: they did supporting, and lead female

me: maybe before the Best Pic

yeah they did all the actress oscars

who won supporting again?

11:01 PM Brandon: i cant remember right now lol

me: i can't either...

Javier Bardem!

he won one...

Brandon: oh, and tilda swinton

me: oh, right
[commercial break...]

6 minutes

11:07 PM Brandon: i love eli stone!

11:08 PM victor garber makes me so happy, and he sings in the show and it's delightful

and the lead actor is rather dapper

me: really?

i was just going to say how awful that show looked, haha

Brandon: i also love amy adams

I just really like shows that have a fantastical edge to them

like pushing daisies

11:09 PM me: yeah, she's cute

ooo i hope the guy from Radiohead wins [the best original score]

Brandon: im really surprised i haven't really heard much about the kite runner

me: oh, nevermind... [Radiohead guy not nominated]

yeah, me too

11:10 PM Brandon: it didnt seem to get any kind of attention at all when the book was so huge

me: ok, so i think James McAvoy is totally hot

11:11 PM Brandon: he is very easy on the eyes

i think he generally looks better without the scruff though

me: and the voice ain't bad to listen to

agreed!

Brandon: he doesnt really grow good facial hair

it's too patchy

me: it should either be a fuller beard or none at all!

haha

i wonder why he went with the facial hair

Brandon: yeah...you would think SOMEone would let him know it needs to go

11:12 PM me: ha, yeah

Tom Hanks hasn't been in a good movie in a while...

Brandon: that is true

11:13 PM me: was that real-time? [army officers announcing Oscar nom's and winner from Baghdad]

11:14 PM or did they record that in advance u think?

Brandon: i have no idea...i wasn't really paying attention

i feel like real-time would be risky

but otherwise it would hurt the secrecy thing i would think

me: that's what i'd think

11:15 PM hm, i really want to see this doc short now

Freeheld (note to self to look up later)

11:16 PM hm, lots of war movies

do u think Sicko will win?

11:17 PM Brandon: i have no idea...it's the only one i've heard of, but there's kind of a general anti-michael moore thing, so who knows

me: yeah

wait which one is this?

i don't even fell like they announced it earlier, haha

Brandon: haha

11:18 PM yeah i dont know

that was weird...like four people messaged me all at the same time and i have no idea who these people are

me: haha, weird

oh, i think this was the one about Abu Ghraib?

11:19 PM i'm glad u're so popular, haa

oh Elton John, i love him [original song montage]

Brandon: i guess...i dont talk to people i dont know generally speaking though

me: did he win for "Circle of Life"?

that would be fantastic

5 minutes

11:24 PM me: i really want to see Michael Clayton

Brandon: i effing love ratatouille

11:25 PM and i REALLY wanted to see savages

me: and the Savages

Brandon: i'm sad i never knew when it was out

and what the hell is diablo [cody] wearing? lol

me: she looks fun tho

Brandon: well, she was an exotic dancer lol

11:26 PM me: haha, yeah

Brandon: im sure she's VERY fun

wink wink lol

me: let's try to find The Savages somewhere

it looks good

11:27 PM Brandon: I was looking forward to seeing it for a while because i pay VERY close attention to anything laura linney is in, and I never really saw it being released anywhere

me: it seems like it got a really limited release

Brandon: it's not even so much that I'm a huge laura linney fan for her, but she's just always in really really good movies

me: i LOVE laura linney

she's so cute

Brandon: she is really cute

me: yeah, she is

Brandon: i love her face

11:28 PM me: and phil seymour hoffman is great in everything he does too

i like her dimples

she just looks really expressive
[commercial break]

oh god, this new oprah show looks HORRIBLE

11:29 PM lots of exasperated yelling...

Brandon: i didnt realize it was its own show...i just assumed it was something she was doing on her own talk show

i love jack lemmon

me: aw, i LOVE Jack Lemmon

Brandon: haha

11:30 PM me: aw...

ooo [Helen Mirren]'s elegant

Brandon: indeed she is

11:31 PM me: Forest Whitaker is great too

Brandon: she's always seems so poised and distinguished

11:32 PM me: now there's a moustache that should win an oscar [on Daniel Day Lewis's full moustache in There Will Be Blood]

Brandon: MMMHHHMMMM

11:33 PM despite all the horrible reviews, i still really want to see sweeny todd

i just feel like it would be a lot of fun

me: but i hope he doesn't win (daniel day lewis)

i really want to see in the Valley of Elah

i dunno, johnny depp in a musical makes me cringe

ooo, Viggo is delicious looking

11:34 PM Brandon: oooo the little girl with him is adorable!

me: oh, he [Daniel Day Lewis] just looks so smug!

Brandon: i feel like this is pretty much an exact repeat of the SAG awards...it's all the same people winning

11:35 PM at least for the big awards

me: boo

Brandon: oh my god! another random message! what the hell is going on

me: wow, that was an elaborate metaphor

Brandon: indeed it was haha

he's got moxy!

me: yeah, seriously, Brandon, why so popular?

11:36 PM Brandon: i just want to know who these people are!

and how they all have my screenname and why they're all trying to talk to me now

me: weird...

DDLewis shoulda kept his moustache

11:37 PM Brandon: it's pretty old skool

me: he could bring it back

Brandon: he indeed could

5 minutes

11:43 PM me: ooo who do you think for director? [Coens win]

Brandon: i think that was a given

me: oh, i was gonna guess them

really?

Brandon: oh totally

me: i was kinda thinking PT Anderson had a shot

oh they [the Coens] are so boring to listen to tho

Brandon: this movie has won at all the award shows

me: u'd think they'd be more interesting as ppl

11:44 PM Brandon: im sure they'll probably win best picture too

me: yeah, i guess u're right

11:46 PM welp, you called it

Brandon: i guess i should see it lol

although, crash is a movie i probably could have missed

me: it's good

yeah, NOT a fan of Crash

Brandon: me neither

i HATE how much attention it got

11:47 PM me: me too!

who's this guy?

Brandon: i think if it didnt get as much attention i might have liked it a little better, but I think it was way over sold

he's the other producer of the movie

and i LOVE that frances mcdormand married one of the coen's

me: oh yeah, Crash was so totally over-rated

Brandon: i think it's cute

me: really?!

that is cute

i love her too

Brandon: they got married after Fargo

11:48 PM me: which one?

i hope not the smallish one

he just seems jerky

what's up with the Kenny G denouement music?

to hold you over

until i can get around to planning, recording, editing and posting another podcast, maybe this will hold you over: my playlist (@ last.fm)



you can follow/listen along with me during the week, keep track of what bands are really finger-strumming my strings this week, if ya know what i mean...

also, i've learned that i would give my right arm for a date with Michael Cera (i mean, he's so dreeaaameeeeey... and frickin' hilarious!)

ok, maybe not my right arm. but definitely my left. ok, maybe not that either... but definitely a kidney (left or right. yeah. that's how serious i am.)

peas out,
stef