silver lining

the one positive thing about being so extraordinarily far away from some ppl is that when i really really want to be alone, all i have to do is shut the door, and close the computer.

shutting out, shutting down, and disconnecting.

amazing how you thought you knew some ppl, and then they surprise you so completely, and think nothing of it.

i think i will, against my better efforts, always be a misanthrope by trade and hobby.

-stephan!e

misery+

i just spent 30 minutes on the phone with my old piano teacher, miserably detailing every daily routine and responsibility i'll resume when i return to LA: "yep, i teach classes and then i go to grad school... no, i don't really eat dinner on those days... yea, i teach 70 kids... math and science... no, there's not a lot of support from the administration... oh, it's ok, i'm used to being alone now... yea, there's not much time for anything else..." making excuses so my life doesn't sound so sad, and then wondering how pathetic i must sound on the phone. i've never been good at hiding my tone.

i realized during these 30 minutes that i hate talking about my work, almost more than the work itself. i do not want to go back.

meanwhile, i am flipping thru a travel magazine, thinking about a summer in Turkey, clicking thru my tumblr blog and labeling my writing, thinking about a shop-drop project i want to begin working on, if only i didn't have this job to go back to...

(this blog has become such a drag, apologies. the other day i came close to starting over, again. it's been 3 long years, can you believe it? hard to change a tone, you know? i recommend my tumblr for quick pieces of writing that are candid and unfiltered, and some pretty great images, too.)