"Fire is motion / Work is repetition / This is my document / We are all all we've done / We are all all we've done / We are all all we've done / We are all all defenses."

- Cap'N Jazz, "Oh Messy Life," Analphabetapolothology

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

existential crisis #2

i have a major problem and that's that i can't convince myself, no matter how hard i've tried, that going into "educational leadership" at a phd level will actually change anything or allow me to act on the kinds of changes i want to work for. all the programs i look at talk about "organizational theory" and "leadership studies" and i can't help but feel like i'm going to be going to school to study how to manage and micro-manage, rather than teach or create social movements. this is the problem i had with education that made me want to get into the field, but is now keeping me from entering into it (as if i'm not in it now?) becoming "a serious (i.e. phd-toting) academic" in it.

every single program i read about talks about organization, student affairs, administration, and governance, and that doesn't sound even vaguely interesting to me. is this what i'm looking to sign up for? to become the stuffy administrator of some school district or college? no thanks. i just want to teach some radical social change theory. where can i beef up on that?

seriously, if anyone has info, drop it below. if i read one more boring course description about organizational theory i think i am going to slit my wrists.


K. said...

I am constantly having existential crises re: my future employment and/or educational ventures.

What schools have you been looking at? When my brain was set to "Educational Leadership" as a potential grad school pursuit, I spent a lot of time thinking about the Social and Comparative Analysis in Education program at Pitt (http://www.education.pitt.edu/scae/), though maybe this is exactly the thing you're trying to avoid?

Are you still in touch with Lisa? She might have some good advice for you. (Though, when I asked her for grad school advice she intimated that education was one of the tools I used to protect myself from engaging in real world experience (she's definitely right), and that might not be the kind of advice you're looking for...)

stephan!e lee said...

hey K!

the Pitt program looks good, and funnily enough, when i went into my delicious to bookmark it, i found out i'd looked at it (and bookmarked it) before! past stephanie was much more in tune with what she wanted, it seems.

i've looked mostly at schools by recommendation from ppl i trust (like Lisa!) and then by ranking. it turns out the US News and World Report rankings are not such great guides when it comes to finding radical ed leadership programs, though. and, i've tried looking for schools in decent locales, like oregon, washington, chicago, although wisconsin-madison also came up on my radar.

i love Lisa's point about education. it's totally true, i'm going back to education because i had my taste of the real world and that's enough.

what are you doing now?