also:

what i love most about this gif is how it says so much about the absurdity that is "Oprah," without me having to, so i can just sit back, be appalled, and giggle a little.

(seriously, she must enjoy turning ppl into weepy pathetic maniacs. the sheer delight in her face! she is basking in the glory of emotional wreckage. Oprah being a homicidal maniac is a droll turn on extant reality.)

happy 25th

birthday present to myself this year: seeing Jens Lekman perform solo in a posh bar overlooking the LA skyline.

who wants to be my date?

year of the ox

it is Chinese New Year. i spend it with my uncle's family and a group of his college friends, who work together at a construction equipment wholesale factory. the party takes place in the warehouse/office building of their company.

the space is confusing. i wander around trying to figure out what this place is. i observe: a pool table. a poker room/office. a dance hall/karaoke lounge/bar (where i currently write my notes). living quarters (i learn later that the workers stay here one night of the week). poker cards lie on a desk next to a stack of business cards, a pool table doubles as a desk. the building seems corporate, but screams "PARTY!!" and there are no definite lines between the two. i decide i like this approach to business, and stroll back towards the party.

as with any Chinese holiday, the food is central to the celebration, and each with its own symbolism. there are trays of glutinous rice balls, noodle dishes of various combinations (the long noodles signify long life), and every imaginable meat of the land and sea: chicken, pork, beef*, fish (for good luck in the next year), shrimp, squid and octopus. fruits a-plenty too: citrus of every imaginable size (clementines, mandarins, tangerines, navel oranges, kumquats), big shiny grapes, and pineapple (the mandarin word for pineapple – "fon li" – sounds like the word for "good fortune").

my aunt takes me around the room, introducing me to everyone as a teacher in the LA school district. one of the older ladies looks on me in disbelief, remarking that i look like a "xiao pengyu" (literally "little friend", meaning "a small child.") one of the older men she introduces me to knows my father. they are about the same age. when my aunt asks me if i think he looks "nyen chien" ("light in years", "young") i say yes, and he jokes that he has had many facelifts. he pulls his cheeks back with his palms, and grins. he then points to the belt holding up his pants, telling me, "this belt i'm wearing is made of all my old skin!" he guffaws and wanders off to eat something sweet.

i befriend the small old man sitting to my right. he is shrunken, but has a fine set of teeth, a strange combination. i get him hot water and soup and and offer him a mandarin, of which he only eats half (it is sour, he squeezes his face together in disapproval). i imagine the two of us make a funny pair, the oldest and youngest in the party, friends b/c no one can understand what we say and b/c we do not wish to talk, just sit, eat, and watch. i overhear my little friend talking later with a group of men about visiting Vegas and going to strip clubs. my companion is, apparently, familiar with the "classy" ones. he is a man of scrutinizing tastes in women and oranges.

i notice the old men across from me laughing, touching cups and enthusiastically finishing off their drinks. later i realize they have been hiding a jug of whiskey under the table, mixing it into their drinks. i've witnessed at least 4 rounds by this point.

the party eventually reaches a critical point – when just the right balance of food and alcohol has been consumed and the spontaneous karaoke begins. i sit in a leather couch in the back of the lounge/bar, remembering how earlier during dinner i heard one of the drunk men across the table declare that he was "ready to sing!" he tells everyone that his musical reprisals aid his digestion.

after observing many eager karaoke renditions of The Carpenters and Chinese oldies, it occurs to me that karaoke is never spontaneous, but always the sensible conclusion to a new year's party. the party-goers gradually take to the mic to sing their favorite songs. i watch 2 women begin to timidly dance, one leading the other around, alternating between tango and foxtrot.

i sit in the back, smiling, regretting those wasted years of Chinese school – never learning enough to be functionally literate to read the karaoke lyrics.


*edit: i realize now, that there was actually NO beef served yesterday. i wonder if that is b/c this is the year of the ox, and to eat beef would be negative symbolism and a bad start to the new year.

moves

i reluctantly returned to LA last night. felt sick from high altitude, bad tomato juice, and separation anxiety. went to bed late, dizzy and alone, and woke up early, roused awake at 5 am by screaming from the apartment next door. still alone.

i uploaded photos and videos to remember the last 3 weeks i had, as a sort of cheering tactic. included: this video from my birthday. penguin-like moves. my brother yelling "save it for the club."


birthday dance from stephan!e lee on Vimeo.

hoping this semester goes quickly,
stephan!e

the last of 2008

i woke up this morning and lay in bed thinking about 2008...

i taught my first class(es) in 2008. i wrote my first thesis in 2008. i moved away from home and into my first apartment in 2008. i started my first job in 2008.

i met Grizzly Bear in 2008.
i built a bookpress and hand-bound books in 2008. this blog reached 20,000 readers in 2008!

i've learned to appreciate home and my family in new ways, and i learned what it's like to fall completely in love with someone in 2008.

...and now, in the dark, on the floor of my parents' living room in the house of my childhood, next to a dying fire, with the miserable tv on in the background, i'm thinking about 2008 again. it really has been a great year.

and 2009 is going to be even better, i know it.

with love,
stephan!e


post-script: my half-hearted and last-minute attempts to live twitter new year's eve. could have been fun if longer-lasting. alas, noted for next year!

23

i once had a friend ask me, "how does it feel to have yr birthday right after christmas? does it bother you that Jesus always takes the cake?"

my response?

"meh. i don't really like cake that much anyway."


but, it is nice to be reminded by those around you how much you mean to them. the trouble with having a birthday so close to Christmas is that any feeling of happiness or celebration gets sucked up and confounded by the residual effects and aftermath of christmas. instead of being happy with all the ppl i love, there's all this bitterness and tiredness from all the merry-making that precedes it.

like having eaten too much chocolate cake at once, so the next thing you want to reach for better be salty and something crunchy.


an aside: i am especially grateful to my best friends Chelsea and Ben this year. they've really been the best gifts of all and sometimes i hardly feel like i deserve them. i love you both, so much.

peace-ing out!

this is my look of contented relief.

final grad school project: DONE.

last classes of the day: TAUGHT AND WRAPPED UP.

traffic: BRAVED.

work out, laundry, packing: to be done, but i'm looking forward to it.

this semester's finished, folks, and it looks like i made it!



(...and, finally, i'm going hoooooooooome!!!!....)



peaceout,
stef

happy thanksgiving!

this year, i am especially grateful for my beautiful family and friends, the incredible love i feel so lucky to have experienced, my job (yes, warts and all), and my (relatively speaking) good health.

it is my first thanksgiving away from my family and my home, and i miss my mom and her wonderful cooking, and the warmth that exudes throughout the whole house from our kitchen. i called her last night and could hear her clanging pots and pans in preparation for today, and it made me smile and want to hug her, and then i felt very alone. i imagine my family sitting around the table to have dinner together, and want so much to be there, heaping comfort foods onto my plate and laughing thru mouthfuls of sweet potato casserole at my mom's mannerisms, or my dad's talkshow radio jokes.

i miss the look of my home and my hometown at this time of year. California experiences the winter holidays very differently. somehow, walking around LMU's campus and seeing the sudden appearance of Christmas decorations – illuminated yard ornaments, the huge Christmas bow they tied onto the chapel steeple, the ball ornaments hanging on the magnolia trees – made me feel surprisingly upset, like they were mocking my homesickness with exaggerated props, trying to compensate for not being home by engaging in tasteless caricature. i thought of the way Christmas lights look when you're driving home at night over rolling hills and through howling winter wind and snow. or the way uptown looked in Oxford when you'd be walking to the coffee shop and seeing the snow fall lightly through lamplight.

today is very bittersweet, because while i am sad to be missing these things, i am so happy and grateful to have them in my life at all, and to know that i grew up with such wonderful ppl and experiences, and that i have such wonderful memories of my life.

and so, happy thanksgiving. i am coming home soon...

love,
stef

celebrate!

i'm going to try this blogging business again. i feel awfully sad that this little sight [sic] has fallen by the wayside while i've been traipsing around the west coast with my family, trying to forget about my job and responsibilities, but i promise i had good reason for it.

anyway, in celebration of my renewed fervor to keep this updated, i'm throwing confetti! (can you see it? it's raining party paper everywhere you look these days!) this is a permanent addition to the sight, unless a seasoned (or saucy?) reader complains of eye strain. BECAUSE EVERY DAY SHOULD BE A CELEBRATION.

hard to always keep that optimism, but today i'm feeling festive and happy, so let it be!

updates, they are forthcoming!
-stephan!e

(the confetti gif from here)

happy august!

let the BEST MONTH EVER begin!

let summer actually begin! let FuNTIMESFOREVR finally begin! let stress and work cease for a few weeks, while i move into my new swanky Culver City apartment, let beach parties and bon fires and porch barbeques and sitting on rooftops lesson-planning commence!

let going to the movies and going out to bars and riding bikes to the beach be my priorities for a week!

i'm finally done with TFA and it's time for a party!

woot!
-stef

should we pretend?

from Dr. Dog's "The Rabbit The Bat and The Reindeer," off their new album Fate (2008):

Well, I don't want a thing to do with your kind
And I ain't got no time to kill on your dime
Strung up, hanging 'round
Looking like you're upside down

Well, I ain't wanting to shed no blood, that's your crime
And I ain't wanting to sling no mud, I clean it up
You ain't what I'd call a friend
I wouldn't even if I could pretend
Man, you ain't like anybody else

As night becomes the sun to rise
As dirt becomes the butterflies
As sure as though it always seems to stay the same
And I'll be waiting anxiously
And I'll be falling fast asleep
And I'll be dreaming of the day the dream died
Uh huh

No sticks, no stones could break my bones like you can
If I knew hate, I'd call it love for you, man
High up on the hill, cheaper than a dollar bill
Man, you ain't like anybody else

Should we pretend that it's the end?
Are you my curse or are you my friend?
And if we got hit to the end of the road
Will you be there to carry my load?

I'm getting it back with that terrible feeling
My vision is cracked, but it looks like it's healing
I'm getting it back like it's four in the morning
When the sun only shines as if it's giving a warning
I'm getting it back with the rest of the leap year
I'm keeping the rabbit, the bat, and the reindeer
I'm getting it out, whatever I've gotta keep in
I'm telling the truth, said it don't win with pretend
Should we pretend?
Should we pretend?
Should we pretend?

check it: [mp3]
(and check out the new album. it really hits home in the second half, makes me forget to move at high speeds, reminds me to take 'er easy and wind down for a sit and stare on a windy porch...)

love-ing it. it's thursday night, which means i'm probly gonna be awake to greet Friday morning.

never have i been so eager to Thank God for it!

-stef

now that you're gone...

"now that you're gone, things don't seem the same.
i may just have to give them different names...
like 'soaking wet blanket,' for the sky.
and 'faded black stars,' for your eyes..."

-from Eef Barzelay's "Song for Batya"

i really liked listening to this song this afternoon after i came back from a 1.5 hour run. i just kept running, starting on LMU's campus, the doors of my dorm, and it felt like the sidewalk opened up before me and i wanted to run until i reached the edge of everything and could peer over the side, maybe sit on that edge and dangle my feet off the end of the earth. i imagine the expanse of space feeling like a cool stream tickling my toes...

i ended up running through one parade, an outdoor concert/festival (there were men dressed as army men, singing that song that goes "living in america..." and there were people clothed in american flags eating hot dogs and cotton candy), a block party, a cookout, a grocery store (where i realized i could buy apples for almost $2/pound cheaper than where i'm going now, though it's a far longer distance to walk), a pool party, someone's garden that i thought was an extension of sidewalk, to the roof of a greenhouse where i stopped for a while under a gnarly tree to think and look out over the expanse of L.A. city and wave at the Pacific, then kept running and running until i realized i'd reached the airport and there were planes landing overhead and decided to turn around.

i came back, not any less frustrated or unhappy (no runner's high this time, which was an unfortunate disappointment, the last time i ran for far less and felt like i'd just gone to the moon! - though my shin cramps the next day felt like punishment) and decided to keep walking until i cooled down. i went to the bluffs, where i like to sit and watch hummingbirds in the trees, but this time i found a lawn chair waiting for me on a rocky ledge, away from the trees but on the very brink of the bluff, and sat there and looked across L.A., wondering what the ppl of this city were doing to celebrate their country.

i came back and did some stretches in the dark, and listened to Eef, and for some reason, those words stood out.

and now, again, i hear Eef's words over the whir of my mind and my laptop:

"...but i still want to jump..."

happy independence day
-stef

the army had half-a-day...

i'm not a huge patriot, but, i gotta say: i'm particularly grateful for the July 4 holiday this year. in fact, it may be finding its place as my favorite holiday of the year so far, because TFA is only doing half-a-day tomorrow.

which, thankfully, means a slew of awesome things for me and my currently lamentable social life:
1) i get to sleep in!! (i get to wake up at 7, rather than 5 am! WOOT.)
2) i don't have to wake up early and get on a fucking school bus (and then proceed to try to sleep thru blaring top 40 radio music. yes, it's like middle school all over again...)
3) i don't have to fight thru 9 hours of physical shutdown, and i can actually try to enjoy the teacher training sessions, rather than worrying about the next time i'll get to use the bathroom or having to sacrifice food or sleep time to get work done
4) i don't have to ride a bus back from training, which means i can high-tail it outta there as soon as we close, which means as soon as we close, i am grabbing my weekend bag and hitting it on foot, walking to the closest coffee shop to drink an iced tea and read a book, and taking a nap until my friend Mike picks me up for our July 4 non-patriot plans (we're both film nerds, so we'll be having a film night and maybe some Thai food... maybe heading to a hipster dance party in Echo Park)

with work being exhausting and not feeling like i'm in a stable, safe, or comfortable mental or emotional state, all i really want right now is to go home and be safe and warm and taken care of for a while. i want a bed that feels like it's mine and be able to lock myself in the bathroom and take a warm bath and listen to my music loud and run around barefoot and make myself tea in a clean kitchen. and of course, more than anything, i want my mom's home-cooked meals and the privilege of not having to explain myself to anyone or feeling like i'm constantly being judged. yes, that would be nice.

i'm going to spend the weekend with my uncle and aunt, maybe go for a long walk and think about things. when i started this post i was extremely happy and thursday felt like a friday and tomorrow felt like a weekend, but now i'm remembering there is work still to be done, confusion still to surmount, and now feeling insecure and unsure of something i never thought to doubt (and feared having to doubt the most) and there's no way home to see things right, so i'm facing the painful realization of being stuck.

-stephanie

the sweetest thing ever? possibly.

my good friend Brandon just planned a going-away party for me on the eve of my very last visit to Oxford, Ohio! 

imagine: a room full of my closest friends (and my boyfriend! - this has me extra excited b/c we don't really get to party together very much). a table full of liquid courage. a night full of debauchery, or at the very least, opportunities for debauchery. kittens! dancing! spooning! and Arrested Development! as Brandon likes to say, "More of That!!!"

i was so overwhelmed with excitement and jubilation that i invented perhaps the most awesome expression of love ever communicated by putting a bunch of words together. and i bestowed it upon Brandon. he seemed to like it.

[as it transpired over our g-chat conversation:]

aaaaw, B, i LOVE you

very very much

in fact, if humans could grow extra hearts, i think i just grew a tiny new one just for you!

and it's filled with love!

(commence aaaw'ing)

<3's!

-stephanie

Bill Moyers is my elvis

as i usually do in the summer, i've been setting my alarm to wake me up to Democracy Now (sometimes it's the only way i can get up in the mornings).

and today, in a foggy half-sleep state, i thought i was dreaming of the '60s and listening to a poet, back from the dead, encouraging us to revolt and revolution. i was confused.

but as i gradually gained consciousness and listened more closely, i realized what i was actually hearing was a journalist's plea to the American ppl, and that this was actually the keynote speech at the National Conference for Media Reform which i was invited (and now regretting declining) to attend.



the speech itself was beautiful, the pace reminiscent of Ginsberg's "Howl", the urgency appropriate for our times. the post-speech was pretty awesome, too. as Amy Goodman explained, Bill O'Riley (yes, i spelled that wrong. no i'm not gonna change it. that's how much i care) and his slugs were "outing" Dan Rather and Bill Moyers as "leftwingnuts" for speaking at this conference with "these people" (read: progressives, liberals, media critics. oh my, indeed.)

apparently, they dispatched an O'Reilly factor producer to "ambush" and accost Mr. Moyers after his rousing speech. this is the verbal pounding that ensued:



it occurs to me that my generation has had the pleasure and honor of seeing several inspiring media moments in recent years:

Jon Stewart on CrossFire (2004):

"I'm here to confront you, because we need help from the media and they're hurting us..." (transcript here)

Stephen Colbert at the White House Correspondents dinner (2006) [click to play]:
"...And as excited as I am to be here with the President, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America, with the exception of FOX News. FOX News gives you both sides of every story: the President's side, and the Vice President's side." (transcript here)

these have had the collective impact, for me anyway, of revealing the spectacular theatre of mainstream news media, and encouraging citizens' critical investigation and dissent.

as Bill Moyers said: "it's up to you to remind us that democracy only works when ordinary people claim it as their own."

-stephanie

happy bro day!

today is my younger brother's birthday! he turns the 1-9. nothing particularly special (about turning 19), but he's a good guy, so i hope he has a really great day.

he's living down in Durham, NC and going to Duke to study engineering/ accounting/ education/?who knows what's intriguing him these days. he's pretty easily intrigued. he's also a pretty easy conversationalist. unless he's uncomfortable. or hot. he's hot a lot lately. that's because he lives in the room above the furnace. he eats more than 12 meals* a week. he works out a lot and tans really easy. i freestyled a song about his tanlines last summer. he was running and i was riding my bike. he almost let me film it, but i couldn't ride and sing and film and laugh at the same time. so i didn't.

he's a lot of other great things too, but my words aren't good today. i've used them all to finish writing my thesis. so i was going to post a picture of him instead (b/c a picture's worth a thousand of those, or something), but then i remembered i lost all my most recent pictures in the fire. so all i have are really old pictures of us when we went to the beach once. he must be a freshman in high school in these.

they're still nice though. because we're at the beach. and it's really cold here where i am now...

little bro, i hope they turn that heat down so you can get down off the ceiling and have a dance party for your birthday!

and since he's always raiding my cds for tunes, i thought i'd give him (and you!) a freebie today. happy birthday, bro:

"Little Brother" [mp3] by Grizzly Bear (who i saw in concert recently, and should talk about soon...)

love,
steph

-----

*his meal plan at Duke only gets him 12 meals a week, which is pretty ridiculous and unreasonable, in my opinion. esp. for someone like my brother, who basically works out every day and plays tons of sports and is always hungry. had i better faith in our US Postal Service, i would have sent you a care package, bro, with all sorts of foods and steaks in it. but since i don't, i didn't. and i'm sorry. i'll be sending you books and a movie soon though!

vivacious life

to prove that i am, despite convictions to the otherwise, in the living, i am posting some delicious pictures from last week's Western Senior Dinner.

i don't think i've ever looked so good after having been so haggard and dirty and sleep/food-deprived in my life, if i do say so myself. wow, what a difference a shower makes!

enjoy your weekends, i will be continuing to write and edit and build and not sleep.

-stephanie

she lives!

(that's me with the "proof" of my finished senior project! alt. title reads: "Idiots and Jackasses: How American Public Education Fails to Meet Its Democratic Ideals." you like?)

hello everyone!

yes, this is stephanie, returning to you from the edge of death and emotional/psychological/existential despair, to say that

1) I AM DONE!
i finished the project after much duress, at noon on Monday, April 14th, 2008. i had to haul a lot of ass to get there, and it was certainly not the easiest thing i've ever done (i slept 10 minutes on Sunday night, 2 hours on Saturday, 3 hours on Friday, ate maybe 4 meals in that expanse of time), nor the easiest to understand (i wrote 25 pages in one night!), nor the most believable (i wrote 25 pages! in one night! with only 10 minutes of sleep!). but i did it! I AM SET TO GRADUATE! (*fist pump and hip thrust!* *yeah!* let's have a party now, pls?)

2) there's still so much to do...
i am presenting my thesis at the undergraduate research forum in 4 hours, and i have nothing in the way of visual aids or even mental preparation. i hope to just show up and be able to garble something remotely intelligible.
the "dress rehearsal" for my big thesis defense in May is coming up on Thursday, which is also a little too early for my taste. i don't think i can whip up a powerpoint and a formal presentation in one night, especially since i still haven't slept more than 5 hours since i finished.
(my body is def taking a toll from all this. on Monday, when i wrapped up writing, my face looked like i'd been chainsmoking 2 packs a day since i was 14. i was so haggard, i couldn't believe i was still alive. and sadly, i still haven't gotten a chance to completely rest up, i've been editing and formatting the project, and working on SFS stuff again, and bouncing around meetings. i can't wait until next week, when i will hopefully be able to sleep and eat to my heart's content and maybe even read a good book again!)
AND, there's still another chapter i want to write, because it just doesn't feel done yet, but i don't know if i have the patience/time/energy/will-power to do it. i'm telling you, i have a disease! i need to just put it aside, let it wait for the dissertation!

3) THANK YOU!
thru all of the trials and tribulations, this blog has really been a huge source of relief for me. it's been a place to informally write what i'm thinking, and a nice opportunity to step away from the project, remember that i can write, i just need to be less editorial about it and let it flow.

and, to know that there are ppl who read it, who enjoy it (don't you?) and who care, well, it really puts the sunshine in my (as of late) dark and dismal existence. (i can't tell you how glad it made me, as sick as this sounds, to know that ppl were worried and wondering if i had died. i'm so glad you care that i live! shucks, yo... thanks!)

and, i wanted to thank the blog itself, as odd as that sounds, because it literally saved me. when i lost all the data on my computer (all my writing from college, all my photos), i didn't know how the fuck i was going to finish my thesis. there were diagrams, little nuggets that i'd written in little .rtf files, little things that i couldn't possibly think to recover. some were screen shots of websites long lost and forgotten. some were passing thoughts that i couldn't reconstruct or re-place.

but then i remembered that i had posted most, if not all, of these things on the blog! and sure enough, there they all were, neatly labeled and organized, even showing me which dates i'd created them, so i could make accurate notations in my citations list! hahaha, what a beautiful thing!

anyway, i should really get back to work. i'm running around to meetings and presentations and interviews all day, and then i'm teaching class until 10 pm (which i really need to prepare for), and then i gotta find time to put a powerpoint together for tomorrow... oh geez, it's looking like another all-nighter week...

when everything is said and done, i hope there will be copious imbibing and heavy snuggling.

until then, yours in life and virtual death,
stephanie

happy birthday!

photo from summer 2003 (junior year of high school! whoa what a long time ago...)

to my most beautiful Mother, a woman whose energy and unconditional love remain unparalleled:

i hope your day is filled with sunshine and Spring flowers and that i never forget to show you anything but the love you've given me. 

i love you, Mom.

-steph

celebrating the '90s

my friends and i were chatting at dinner. making plans for the summer and all the fun, wild and wonderful things we need to squeeze into these last 7 weeks of school before graduation and splitting ways.

the big screen TV was on in the dining hall, per usual, but it was on VH1 today and it was showing one of those "best 100 songs of the '90s" specials and all our "childhood songs" were blasting full force, like a freight train of memories, and we were transported back to the times of middle school dances and summer camps and that nebulous time of your life called adolescence.

we were reflecting on the proto-emo music of the time, laughing as we could recall almost word for word the lyrics to Goo Goo Dolls songs ("when everything feels like the movies, you bleed just to know you're alive/ AND I DON'T WANT THE WORLD TO SEE ME, CUZ I DON'T THINK THAT THEY'D UNDERSTAAAAAND!") and how angst-y we must have been as teens to have loved that song as much as everyone else our age did.

and, in reflecting on how super dramatic and emo (before "emo" was a genre) that song was, i remarked how it would be so funny to do a dramatic reading of all our favorite '90s songs. and from this, an idea for a poetry reading of sorts, a collaborative performance for the sake of nothing but fun times and nostalgia with some good friends, was born.

the place i imagine is Bachelor Hall's courtyard, on a breezy spring evening, entry and exit music consisting of a playlist of all the read pieces, and definitely some wine.

now, i'm trying to think of material. any suggestions? i went through my '90s music on my computer (sadly lacking, i've lost a lot of those old favorites in the process of transitioning to different computers) and only thought of a few enticing reads:

K-Ci & Jo Jo's "All My Life" (probly a much better song than a poem, but a guilty pleasure nonetheless. i especially love how the first line of verse is "Baby (11x)" ha!)

Everything But The Girl's "Missing" ("like the deserts miss the rain")

Sinead O'Connor's "Nothing Compares 2 U" (oh man, this might be "it"!)

Boyz II Men's "I'll Make Love To You" (this would be so uncomfortable to read: "girl relax, let's go slow, i ain't got nowhere to go/ throw your clothes on the floor, i'm gonna take my clothes off too")

other suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

x's

-stef