"Fire is motion / Work is repetition / This is my document / We are all all we've done / We are all all we've done / We are all all we've done / We are all all defenses."

- Cap'N Jazz, "Oh Messy Life," Analphabetapolothology

Tuesday, January 08, 2008


this news is madness!

i found out this evening that Teach for America accepted me, and i will be teaching grades 1-8 in Los Angeles next fall!

i can hardly believe it. i've been sweating the news all break. anytime anyone brought it up, i got all defensive. everyone i know has been saying for the last 3 months, "oh, i'm sure you'll get it steph. you're perfect for it. they'd be crazy not to have you." and i would get really upset, tell them not to say it, b/c i had convinced myself that i messed up in my interview, that i performed poorly on the problem-solving task, that my lesson plan on the difference between farther and further was not impressive or realistic. i didn't want ppl thinking i had it locked in, only to find out later i was rejected.

so, this is why i haven't been sleeping well lately, i think. i've been tossing and turning, dreading the news. what if i didn't get it? what then?

i spent the morning looking for other jobs. a teaching position at a boarding school in Massachussetts presented itself. some thoughts for labor-organizing or volunteering with non-profits crossed my mind. aiding the campaigns in 08 occurred to me, too.

but now, i finally know. and now it seems the next 2 years of my life are planned out. i should be relieved, really, but it seems my anxiety is reaching new directions. i've gotta move across the country, to a city i've never seen, to teach something i'm utterly unprepared to teach, to possibly start a life i'm not ready to start living?

i don't know, it just seems like things are happening too fast for me.

i'm excited, just scared. and trying to think of ways to enjoy my last months as a college student, and really get to know the ppl around me, who i may never see again. i want to know what it feels like to live in the moment, and enjoy it for every drop. i've met so many wonderful ppl where i am now, the idea of moving so far away from it makes me kinda sad. and lonely.



Rae Jin Devine said...

ZOMG! Congratz Steph!

I'll have to visit you/family out there sometime!

stephan!e lee said...

oh yes! pls do! i'll be lonely, and i would love nothing better than to have Westerners visit me in the lonely land of LA.


speaking of visits, Oxford soon yeah?? i'm excited...


remaerdyaD said...

Find when things are craziest I find the best solutions. Not sure if that is pschopathy or what... Anyways, I am deep in research on migraine with myself as guinea pig when I stumbled on a solution to a subject several activists have brought up over the years.

It is human nature in activism to, well, solve all of the problems on the globe single handedly. Ironically, I am often accused of this by ppl whom I prove wrong. This is getting into one of my long-winded comments, sorry.


Because I engage my mind with a high metabolic rate and my disability (which does give me a very real ability to deal with lots of pain) and, therefore, you see, can do no one thing with any competence to, say, oh, I dunno... have like a job. Haven't even worked part-time since I was a child. BUT, I can and usually do engage in many jobs at once with complete competency. This, sadly, drives away friends from working with me.

I know that this is long and proly arrogant sounding. But, you see, I am not your normal activist, having never participated in protest activities, for example. Anyways, I am mulling over doing a third written blog on indymedia, starting with this as an essay.

I remember, I was in the back shed where I volunteer putting away my industrial mop when it came to me... Just cant recollect the solution that popped in my head.

Guess you are blown over with so much stuff to do while I spin my wheels real fast trying to remember the heck I am doing?

Um, to snacks, b'loging, music, and, um, like... I forget

Rae Jin Devine said...

Looks like I will be headin' in 'round this Saturday; you?

stephan!e lee said...

sunday for me, probly late afternoon. i have a meeting at 5 pm and then some work i have to do. (it starts...)

i'm sure i'll see you tho. come find me! and i'll look for you!

take care, enjoy the rest of break.

The ZenFo Pro said...

Hey, awesome! LA proper?

stephan!e lee said...

i don't actually know WHERE in LA yet, i'm waiting to hear from TFA where they want me to teach.

hopefully though it's somewhat close to UCLA, since i really want to go there for grad school and that's where the only 2 ppl i know live.

i'll be sure to post an update when i get it. ;-)