and the results are in...

i gave my students a survey in-class today about School Experience. it had questions about the school, experiences with adults on campus, safety, and asked them questions about their individual classes as well.

the surveys were anonymous of course, and i gave students room to write additional comments to me on the back.

i received extremely positive reviews, which was surprising and made me wonder if my students thought i might punish them for giving me the "wrong" answers. i feel like i've been a good teacher, but i couldn't believe i've been *this* good.

the results showed that in both math and science, 90% of my students strongly agreed that "[Ms. Lee] believes I can do well." 10% of them agreed. 85% of my students strongly agreed that "[Ms. Lee] cares about me." 15% agreed. my students also 100% agreed or strongly agreed that they feel safe in my classroom, while less than 20% could say that about their neighborhood or the school as a whole.

i also had two students write me notes at the end of their surveys:
"Ms. Lee I want you to know that I like your class. And I don't worry about not getting it when you are teaching me because I just catch on to what the whole class is learning about."
"Ms. Lee I want you to know that your class is really fun and interesting. I know and I learned a lot in your awesome class. - anonymous"
that's pretty awesome, right?!

this got me excited, so i made an end of year ONLINE survey. i'm hoping that with the online survey i can ask more detailed questions, specifically about my class, and compile the results to inform my teaching practice, especially if i decide to continue next year.

here's a draft of questions i plan on asking:
4. ms. lee makes me feel welcome in class (strongly agree, agree, disagree, strongly disagree)

5. ms. lee makes me feel safe

6. ms. lee gives me what i need in class

7. ms. lee helps me be the best learner i can be

8. ms. lee helps me with my math when i need it

9. ms. lee understands me

10. ms. lee tries to understand me (all of the time, most of the time, some of the time, not very often, never)

11. ms. lee makes learning math fun

12. ms. lee makes learning math easy

13. i feel ready for 7th grade because of what ms. lee has taught me

14. ms. lee's math class is the best class i've ever taken

15. ms. lee cares about me

16. ms. lee treats me with respect

17. ms. lee treats me and other students fairly
18. i feel ms. lee challenged me to be the best i could be

19. i was a good student in ms. lee's class

20. because of taking ms. lee's class, i feel i have gotten better in math
21. if you could make one change to the class what would it be

22. if you could keep one thing the same what would it be

23. do you have anything you want to say to ms. lee or anything you want her to know?

what else should i ask?!

hatchlings

i do a pretty good job keeping a straight face, most of the time, even when encountered with the most bizarre and hilarious of irrational behaviors. what can i say, it's a skill you pick up quickly when teaching 6th graders. (in fact, i think it should be on a long list of criteria for people entering the teaching profession. following closely after charisma and passion.)

still, my kids find ways of surprising me. and in these certain moments, when my students surprise me with their kid-ness, i find it difficult to be cross and furrow my brow at them, and have to instead give in to chuckling a little bit, smiling largely, and trying to move past it as quickly as i can. it's fun for my kids to see Ms. Lee crack a smile or laugh along with them at something silly. i guess that they, and i, can forget that i'm human, so these little moments of honesty are welcome examples of our humility, which i think is why my students and i have felt so comfortable together and have managed to accomplish so much in our shared space.

three recent instances of what i'm talking about:

1) my student Bryan (hyperactive kid with a tendency to blurt out inappropriate things, get out of his seat, make rodent-like faces at my aide to freak her out, and make flatulent sounds any time anyone bends over to get something) comes to class (where we have a black and white uniform policy) wearing this shirt:

(found here, if you are interested in buying it)

2) my two smallest 7th graders Manuel and Luis are in my advisory class, but instead of quietly journaling, are exchanging sk8er pics they printed off a printer in some other class. this was delightfully endearing because of how small they are, and also how sweet of a gesture it seemed to be between the two friends (in their journals every week, they write to me about seeing each other over the weekend and spending saturday afternoons at the skate park). it was really cute watching these two little boys sharing a hobby with each other, even when they were supposed to be doing work in class.

3) my students are getting into Lady Gaga. coincidentally, so am i. every once in a while, one of my students will start singing the opening line to "Bad Romance," which amazingly has only proven to be amusing and strangely comforting (to know that we share some point of pop cultural coincidence) and has yet to be unnerving and annoying (YET!)

what goes around...

a clever anti-war campaign in nyc.


[via]

tantalizing

right after publishing my last post, blogger posted this little ad, which was just interesting enough to slip past my threshold of awareness (i think it was the words book and blog together that caught my eye).

hold the phone! i can turn my blog into a book!? this is what i've always wanted!! how exciting! i don't particularly like having some website do it for me from a drop-down list of generic templates, but still, that the possibility exists is pretty winning. i had always thought that when i got around to making the blog into a book, it would be more of a zine and involve hundreds of photocopies of text glued to larger pages with drawings and sketches in the margins, handbound together to be mailed out as gifts.

funny though, considering i've already got instant publishing. shucks, blogger, you so good to me!

-stef

carrot head

in the last day, i have written 2 papers, 1 IEP, 2 lesson plans, and 1 reflection on teaching (forthcoming in a post, stay tuned!)

so today feels pretty lax in comparison. as a result, this is what i did in the half hour before i left work today. 

i forgot Macs have this program called Comic Life that can turn pictures into comic strips, which is extremely fun to play with, but produces disappointingly boring comics. 

if only i had a troupe of wacky friends to dress up in brightly colored costumes and voluminous up-dos and strike dramatic poses and make wildly expressive faces so we could maximize the potential of this program to make delightful art.

alas. another project for the summer months.

-stef

a wish for the new millenium

it's 2010, the "future." where's my flying car? my space suit? why haven't we colonized Mars yet?

all i want for my futuristic present is for someone to invent a time machine so i can travel back to the 1970s/80s and watch a young Bruce Springsteen sing "I'm On Fire" in an intimate low-lit concert venue and not feel guilty or self-conscious about squealing like a teenage girl.

aw heck. i don't need a time machine to do that!

delightful spring things

it's spring! there are so many things i'm happy about lately, aside from the glorious weather. here are a few of them:

1. spring break! i feel like a one week vacation is most definitely deserved after the work i've done this semester. i've taught my students rigorous units, a new skill every day for the last, um, 90 days, and have put up with a lot of administrative and bureaucratic bullshit from my school/district. not to mention workers comp paperwork and stress. plus, i've worked really hard juggling 3 grad school classes, which have been the most demanding and work-intensive classes yet. so, a one week break? DON'T MIND IF I DO!

ben and i have been making a "LA bucket list," now that our time in the city of angels is quickly winding down (i only have 3 months of teaching to go! ugh, still sounds so long, but wow, i'm almost done!) and on that list is making the drive up the coast on highway 1. we're considering it for our spring break, even though driving for the 14+ hours it takes from here to san francisco doesn't sound like such a relaxing time. but, i ordered a bunch of colored pencils the other week, and maybe i'll pack them up and sketch things on our pit stops.

my mom is up in the bay area visiting our relatives and i'm excited to maybe see her, and to hang out with my grandparents and cousins.

a friend of mine from middle school who's making it big as folk-star cellist will be playing a concert this friday in santa monica, and ben and i will kick off our spring breaks by checking out his set live! then waking up on saturday morning to volunteer at the foodbank. and have lunch with my only Angeleno friend! and hit the road!

2. the weather! even though it's causing my nose to sniffle and my eyes to be constantly dry, itchy and sensitive to light, i can't get over how wonderful this weather is! i'm excited to go for bike rides and long walks again, and hopefully make it out to the beach. i also want to plant things and watch them grow and maybe eat them.

3. spring weddings!! i've never been to a wedding, but this spring i'll get to go to two! one of my dear friends from high school is getting married to her sweet heart and i get to fly back to kentucky to be her bridesmaid! and then in may i'll be attending my cousin's wedding too, this time in laguna beach, ca. i'm excited to rock out my dresses, see my family, and slow dance with ben.

4. crafting! my crafts supplies are slowly coming in, and i'm hungry for them! once school and work start slowing down i'll be freeing up some qual craft time, and i'm excited to start working with my hands. i want to make things to put around the house, to give to people, and to wear.

5. MARCH MADNESS!! my Wildcats are having a phenomenal season and i've got basketball fever! gotta love my boys in blue! all week long, the one thing aside from going on vacation that i've had to look forward to is thursday night, cuz after grad class ben and i are gonna find a seedy LA dive bar and watch some b-ball on the tellay!

oh, and speaking of March Madness, check out this article about holding sports teams and players accountable to higher academic standards. definitely not a shabby idea, but according to this bracket based on academic performance, my Cats would be out of the tourney by now. :-(

whoop whoop! spring is here!

heyo!

i just ordered $100 worth of crafts supplies!

1 guillotine (for cutting paper)
2 sets of colored pencils
and 2 books by Neil Postman (incl. Amusing Ourselves To Death)

how does the last relate to crafting, you ask? b/c i associate creating things with my hands with being a radical member of society and being an activist and being in college, and reading any critique of our teevee-saturated culture will, without fail, make me feel like all of those things again, and so, is rocket fuel for radical crafting!

on my projects list:
embossed bird mobiles, pictures of animals with hipster accoutrements, and shirt pocket-sized sketch books (handbound, of course!)

but in other, sad grad-school related news, i have yet to start my lit review that is due in 2 hours. ah well. hoping it flows smooth and sweet like melted buttah. (i'm reviewing the literature on no child left behind. should be plenty to pull from, should be easy to mind meld.)

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO. (i'd be happy to make something by request, just drop me a line!)
-stef

for the backburner

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up a whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life… You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ or ‘how very perceptive’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love.”

—	Neil Gaiman

tic tic tic

my right eyelid has decided to recommence twitching, rapidly, twice every second, for the last 24 hours. the last incidence of nervous eye tic was spring 2006, when the Western sophomores were taking the seminar "Social Systems: Medicine and Society" and our professor Muriel Blaisdell, a delightful lesbian grandmother with a distinctly cocker spaniel quality to her, was slowly and unwittingly, but all too certainly, giving every one of us a new psychosis or hypochondria. my friend brandon and i both developed severe tics that probably never went away, but grew latent over time, only to resurface when irritated, like a chronic case of shingles. (which, btw, i also have!)

the eye tic would be fine, delightful even (like a finely sculpted moustache on a dandy, the eye tic would add distinction to my developing identity as a neurotic), if it weren't so seemingly conspicuous. i can't look at someone and not worry that they can see what i see, which is my right eyelid rapidly opening and closing itself independent of the other eye.

the appropriate descriptive word in this situation seems to be "unnerving," but that hardly seems appropo considering it's my nerves in the first place that created the problem.

gah!

happy international women's day!

a few golden nuggets from this day in history:

[this morning while listening to Amy Goodman]
ben: "happy international women's day!"
me: "thanks, happy international women's day to you too! how should we celebrate?"
ben: "hm... get our nails done together?"
me: "THAT'S NOT WHAT REAL WOMEN DO!"
ben: "then what do real women do?"
me: "i'm going to booty camp*"
ben: "yea? cuz real women need rockin' booties"

*"booty camp" is actually "BOOT camp," an intense 50-minute aerobic workout. we run sprints, lift weights, do push-ups, kick box, and drag bodies across the floor. i've been going twice a week for 6(?) weeks now and i feel FIT. my body and heart have never been stronger or more resilient. i pride myself on being able to run faster, do more sit ups, box harder, and do it all longer than anyone else in those classes, women and men. so boo-yea, what i meant to say is that real women are strong women.

and finally, a quote from another strong woman:
"And I have a lot of self-esteem, which is amazing, because I’m probably somebody who wouldn’t necessarily have a lot of self esteem, as I am considered a minority. And if you are a woman; if you are a person of color; if you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender; if you are a person of size; if you are person of intelligence; if you are a person of integrity, then YOU are considered a minority in this world. And it’s going to be really hard to find messages of self-love and support anywhere, especially women’s and gay men’s culture. It’s all about how you have to look a certain way, or else you’re worthless. You know, when you look in the mirror and think, “Ugh, I’m so ugly, I’m so fat, I’m so old.” Don’t you know that’s not your authentic self? That is billions upon billions of dollars of advertising: magazines, movies, billboards, all geared to make you feel shitty about yourself, so that you will take your hard-earned money, and spend it at the mall on some turn-around creme that doesn’t turn around shit. If you don’t have self-esteem, you will hesitate before you do anything in your life. You will hesitate to go for the job you want to go for. You will hesitate to ask for a raise. You will hesitate to call yourself an American. You will hesitate to report a rape. You will hesitate to defend yourself when you are discriminated against because of your race, your sexuality, your size, your gender. You will hesitate to vote. You will hesitate to dream. For us to have self-esteem is truly an act of revolution, and our revolution is long overdue. I urge you all today, especially today in these times of terrorism and chaos, to love yourselves without reservation and to love each other without restraint. Unless you’re into leather, then by all means, use restraints. Thank you.”

—	Margaret Cho happy international women's day! show yr love by paying yr respects and giving love to a strong woman!

WHAT A FANTASTIC DAY!!!!!!
this is one of those excellent days when i feel completely competent, no, superb at my job!

check this out: i just taught a class of 14 special ed 6th graders to not only solve one-step algebra equations with addition and subtraction (ex: x-9=13, 8+x=15), but also how to solve one-step algebra equations involving multiplication or division (ex: x/9=12, 3x=36), and furthermore, i taught all of them how to self-monitor their behavior so that they are focused and on-task 100% of the time!!!! they were quiet, diligent and dedicated to understanding all of today's material. and the result? i got 100% from every single one of them on the end-of-day quiz.

i mean, really, does it get any better than this?

i feel like teacher of the year right here.

sweet justice

sea world: 2. humans: 0. this has not been a good week in the battle between man vs. nature.
an aquarium in the Dubai mall containing 2 million gallons of water and some 33,000 marine animals is beginning to crack. shark attack!

also, last week a 12,000 pound orca whale named Telly "dragged a trainer into the pool by her ponytail" and effectively killed her. in 1999, a man, who snuck past Seaworld security, and "either jumped, fell, or was pulled into the water" also died, possibly from hypothermia, though his body was found "draped" over Telly's head. the Seaworld PR people are now trying to keep blame away from Telly:

In an interview with CNN on Thursday, Chuck Tompkins, Sea World’s head of animal training, insisted that the orca was getting a bad rap, saying, “those two incidents really don’t have anything to do with this and to mark him as a killer is very unfair.” [via]

damn right it's unfair! look, we're talking about a giant swimming KILLING MACHINE. have we forgotten that orca whales, in nature (where they NATURALLY BELONG) are huge, swift, powerful, blood-thirsty BEASTS who hunt BABY SEALS and EAT them? i'm guessing these deaths are due to a number of things (like, THEIR MOTHER FUCKING NATURE TO LEAP OUT OF WATER, SOMETIMES THROUGH ICE, TO BITE AND KILL AND EAT THINGS), none of which amount to "revenge," which is what the media is (ridiculously) trying to call it ("there was no reason to believe that the orca had turned on its trainer out of anger").
i'm sorry, but when it comes to animals and humans, i'm almost uncompromisingly pro-fauna. if you put a bunch of fucking SHARKS in a tank with a tunnel thru it in the mother-fucking MALL for the sake of spectacle/thrill/etc. you deserve to lose your shit once that tank starts cracking and leaking water. and if you put an orca whale in a pool, feed it nothing but little fish and expect it to learn tricks for your amusement, you're damned right it's gonna leap out and eat you if you're not looking. it's not revenge, it's poetic justice.
it infuriates me how often the media covers these animal encounter stories and side unequivocally with the humans. i mean, i know it's common practice to be anthropomorphic, but dang, can't we just get over ourselves from time to time and see from another perspective? it seems that for the supposedly "most intelligent" animal, and the only one granted with reason, that we can be extremely unreasonable and myopic.
sheeyit.

avocado couch

i opened an etsy account the other day, because of recently developed aspirations to start crafting from home instead of working a 9-5 job (this is because, more than likely, i will no longer have my teaching position at school next year due to budget cuts, and due to a lack of interest in devoting myself full-time to graduate school, will most likely be living at home, not “at home” as in with my parents (not that there's anything wrong with that b/c my parents are exceedingly lovely ppl), but in a home, that is, a dwelling-place, or, what i imagine to be just one large room with carpet and a window (because that's all i need), so, anywhere really).

ANYWAY! the etsy shop i opened is called Avocado Couch, and when/if it opens, will probably specialize in random things made of felt, hand-bound books, t-shirts with strange animal pictures on them, stationery, and who knows what else. i think mostly i just want to stay at home (/”inside”) and sit on the carpet, and cut paper with knives and sew things. that would be nice.

this will be my banner!

-stephan!e

---

!edit! i just realized that etsy requires a registration fee, and considering i have no start up money to speak of, no "products" to sell (yet), and no customers (yet! haha, i kid!), it seems unwise to pay a website for services i could more or less undertake myself. so! for now, or, in the future when this finally comes to fruition, i can post things i make on this website you are currently staring at and taking the time to read (thank you!) and i'll include my contact info and we can hassle each other over prices and all that performative business-talking bullcrap on the phone or via email. really, it would just be so wonderful to have little creations of mine wandering around out there. that's what i'm really in it for, not the money, or the fame, i just want to make things. livin' the dream y'all!

yuckety yuck cluckety cluck

i'm ready for this year and all its drama to be over. i think the school years are just too long. it is difficult for me and my students to sustain our enthusiasm when we all know we're just faking it til we make it to summer. mutual appreciation and kindness has digressed into fulfilling duties and obligations to each other we entered the year with.

sense of duty, huh, let's ponder that. at what point does obligation to fulfill one's promises cease to be courtesy and kindness and become obligation for obligation's sake, or an obsession with obligation?

i am reading this book of essays on No Child Left Behind (NCLB) and am going to write a paper about it. it's been a fantastic read, though very one-sided, but then again, i find it hard to find any compelling arguments in favor of NCLB (in favor of its intentions, of course, but never in defense of its actual practices). it's actually exceptional practice for me, since it's been a while since i've done anything particularly stimulating as part of my higher educational experience, and since education reform is one of those things i've always cared about but have had little opportunity to actually write or talk about since i've started teaching. anyway, reading this book and planning my response has made me realize what a horribly fucked up job America is doing of maintaining its public school system. i have lots to say in this regard, but i should save it for the paper. suffice it to say: NCLB was supposed to deliver on the promise of free and equalizing public education, but has instead managed to dismantle our schools and bleed resources out of our most needing communities, those schools that serve low-income students and students of color, English Language Learners, and students with disabilities.

and this just made it all the more apparent: my life is so full of fail right now.

it seems that all things around me right now are all about good intentions – upholding promises, fulfilling obligations – but doing a really shitty job of it. in my teaching, in my personal life, in education policy, all these things i care about are coming to an ugly head right now and i regret to say i'm not so excited for the fallout. you ever pause from your busy life to think about how old and dusty the world is, and about all the plastics slowly building up on our earth's surface and realize the earth will probably never be clean again unless we dredge all the oceans and sift thru all the land and collect all this trash from the whole of human existence and build a rocket-ship big enough to blast it all into infinite space and even then we'd probably eventually clutter the universe with all our shit? i just feel, like, "so what do i dooooo???"

self-fulfilling prophecy

"Stephanie Says"

stephanie says that she wants to know

why she's given half her life to people she hates now

stephanie says that she wants to know

why it is that she's the door, she can't be the room

but she's not afraid to die,

the people all call her alaska

it's so cold in alaska, it's so cold in alaska

----

how does it feel to be so exposed?

how does it feel to be so alone?

they don't know me...

a marxist's idea of love

"Love you will find only where you may show yourself weak without provoking strength."

-Theodor Adorno

---

hm... i need to think about this. i'm sure there's something clever i could say to connect this quote, and the idea of love, to the Frankfurt School's theories on culture and capitalism, but today i feel sick and don't think i'm in any kind of place to wax philosophical on love or the implications of this quote.

suffice it to say, the balance between weakness and strength has been a challenge to maintain lately. the act of negotiating desires and wills is risky business.

pshuh duh!

i need to delete my facebook account. every time i use it, it makes me want to smack myself in the face. i originally joined because i thought it would be an interesting sociological experiment, which i will admit it can still occasionally be, but it's generally just too much drama.

"people say i look like Lucy Liu all the time"

"dead ringer! but that's not fair... don't all asian people look alike?"

"@Ruth: you're so right! i've always thought all white people look alike too!"

i couldn't resist being a sarcastic bitch on this person's profile today. i really fucking can't stand people who think all people of a certain race look alike. if i can distinguish all the WHITE people apart, i think you can at least *pretend* to tell 2 people of color apart (esp. if both of them look NOTHING like each other).

when i trolled through this person's profile, i was sadly not so surprised to see that she is a Campus Crusader for Christ at Miami University. y'all, that school was so white bre(a)d.

i must commend her, though, on posting one of the most self-righteous-quotes-from-the-Bible-i've-ever-read as her "religious view." she practically parodies herself.

but, after further consideration, i feel i may have been too harsh on this certain sad individual. it seems her own friends can't tell her apart from an animated animal, so maybe i should forgive her inability to tell two people of color apart?

"you know this looks a lot like you!"

i always thought these "find the differences" puzzles in the weekend paper were a waste of time and insulting to people, but now i see how necessary they were.

can you tell the differences between these two pictures? yes? THEN YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MY FACE AND ANOTHER PERSON'S FACE. IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT THE COLORS ARE THE SAME!!!

whoo. alright, back to some grad school work. 'sbeen fun.

-stef

gong shi

such a wonderful day.

woke up and made yummy breakfast wraps while listening to chinese language podcasts. cut a cantaloupe (a pleasurable activity for the senses, olfactory and tactile – a cantaloupe provides just enough resistance to warrant the use of a large knife, while maintaining ease of motion) then took a bike ride down to the beach (the ride was also a perfect blend of challenge and leisure at the proper moments, the breeze was salty-sweet and not too blustery on the way towards the ocean, allowing us to make record time on the path). ben and i spent an hour on the beach, splashing in the water and racing each other on the sand, watching the waves crashing in huge gusts as they hit the sandbar formed from weeks of rainwater draining sand into the ocean.

came home to clean up and drive east to celebrate chinese new year with my uncle and aunt. a fragrant pineapple in the backseat. eating lots of noodles and sticky rice cakes. playing bingo with 50 chinese gentle men and women, one drunk bingo rabble rouser and one elementary kid who kept winning all the prizes. we were in it to win it (a mini braided bamboo plant, that is).

driving back to the apartment, teaching ben how to count in mandarin, thinking to myself the whole time how happy and lucky i am, to be surrounded by such good people.

i feel sometimes that i can never cease in my amazement of how much beauty lies in the world around me. i see the grace of bodies, the delicate lines on faces and how they reveal smiles and the way people walk, or use their hands when talking, the way they put on a shoe or brush the hair out of their face or the way they chew their food and the way people laugh, and i think of the babies that we once were and i dunno, it just seems like such glorious probability that everything works out to such perfection. it overwhelms me with such marvellous awe that sometimes i mistake it for sadness. it makes life seem so precious, which is really something to be grateful for, even though being aware of it makes everything seem so precarious.

look! i am teaching ben how to speak mandarin!

if "single ladies" were *really* a women's empowerment song, the way it was intended

i cried at the end of the Little Mermaid. and you know what? it wasn't because i was deeply touched by the love story or so happy for Ariel and Prince Eric or so relieved that Ursula was defeated. no, it was because i was absolutely TORN UP that Ariel had to transform into a human and leave her dad behind in the sea. that last frame right there, had me bawlin'.

even as a kid, i thot it was totally effed up for a girl to have to leave behind her family and change her identity to cozy up to some dude who was too stupid to tell the difference between two girls with the same voice.

ladies, amirite?

---

this probably explains why i was a tomboy my whole childhood and never dated anyone til i was 18. still, i feel like a winner.