"Fire is motion / Work is repetition / This is my document / We are all all we've done / We are all all we've done / We are all all we've done / We are all all defenses."

- Cap'N Jazz, "Oh Messy Life," Analphabetapolothology

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

on hi-at-us


so, there's a lot going on! oh-so-much is going on! i can't believe i'm still a student sometimes, it's like i'm juggling 2 jobs and 5 obligations, and it just becomes too much to remember to do homework too!

well, there's SFS, which is taking loads of time, what with the living wage committee and research, funding meetings and negotiations, our weekly meetings, planning organizing retreats, applying for grants, and then having to build a homecoming float??!!

and then there's Campus Progress, for which i need to start becoming more available to help regional rep's with their projects, need to organize some projects of my own, and then there's 2 films or documentaries waiting for me to pick them up at the package center (and later screen!), that have been sitting there for weeks because they just keep coming and i don't have the time nor means to pick all of them up any more!! (there are 4 total boxes and packages for me. that's too many to carry on a bike or in my arms...)

oh, and then there's senior project, which fills me with self-loathing because i can't understand the intricate ways in which all these steps are supposed to help me write the paper i basically already wrote. wha??

and then i have to apply for Teach For America, before they won't accept me any more, and i haven't even begun thinking about my personal statement!

there's also my obligations to Talawanda High School every week as a volunteer in their Extra Time Extra Help program. soon the weather will be colder, making my bike rides to the school a little less pleasant. (but thank goodness for Autumn!)

and then, i'm teaching a class next semester! which requires a lot of planning and paperwork and all sorts of bureaucratic gymnastics, as i'm trying to draw a diverse group of students with institutional incentives and perks. and the fact that i'm teaching a 300-level undergraduate seminar makes me feel less and less like an undergrad each day. and as i'm spending so little time in a classroom these days, i am forgetting that, oh yeah, i am still a student, and i still have to graduate and figure out a future for myself.

which brings me to the fact that i'm taking the mother-effing GREs in less than 2 weeks and i have yet to understand what i'm getting myself into!

am i forgetting anything? i've been working early mornings at the radio station during the NPR fundraising drive, which is exciting and fun and a love fest, obviously, but also has me kinda exhausted.

put all these things in a blender, what do you get? one really frazzled undergrad who's had weird heart palpitations every five minutes for the last 1.5 days. at first i thought it was a happy thing, kinda like butterflies in the stomach, but like skipping in the heart. but then i realized that maybe it was a not-so-happy thing and maybe i should take 'er a little easy...

but as my friend Jens Lekman once wisely advised me [in an email about love and relationships more than heart tremors of the life-threatening or stress-induced kind]:

"if your heart is small and fragile then you need to start exercising. pump it up !"



Rae Jin Devine said...

Are you on track to graduate?

I don't think I am...I was told I could sub one class for my Thematic Sequence but now I'm not so sure of my ability to graduate on time.

Much less all the other stuff I should be doing (like the GRE! AAAAHHH).

You sound incredibly busy Steph, but you've always seemed as such. I think you can do it.

As they say here in Korea, "Fighting!"

(It's their standard cheer. *shrug*)

stephan!e lee said...

yo Rae,

i am on track to graduate, and plan to, if things go according to my vague plans. tho who knows, i might have overlooked something. i don't plan on taking a lot of classes next semester, and may drop one i'm currently taking, so WHO KNOWS!!!!

"fighting." i like it. tho by the time i'm done, it will be more like "clawing."

claw claw,

t [] p said...

Hey it's Tanya from Campus Progress. I've been secretly reading your blog (and loving it!) Hope that's not creepy :)

My word: It's better to be busy than to be lazy and lethargic. I always find myself on one extreme or the other.

Good luck with everything, and how on earth do you know Jens!?

stephan!e lee said...

hey Tanya!

thanks for dropping by and leaving a comment. i love hearing from people, and it's great that i kinda know you from Campus Progress, tho i don't recall meeting you when i was in DC for the Advisory Board retreat. shame...

i agree. much better to be busy busy busy than bored bored bored. tho, perhaps these are not mutually exclusive, as i am now discovering...

thanks again, and stop by soon.


btw, i know Jens thru some email exchanges. we were pen pals for a time... but i wouldn't say we're besties. sadly... ;-)

Brian said...

Being a superheroine takes a lot of doing Steph. Make sure you give yourself permission to relax once in awhile.