"Fire is motion / Work is repetition / This is my document / We are all all we've done / We are all all we've done / We are all all we've done / We are all all defenses."

- Cap'N Jazz, "Oh Messy Life," Analphabetapolothology

Monday, June 16, 2008

i love my mother

she says the greatest things!

example 1: today, on the way home from running errands, we see a boy on his scooter, and his dog on a leash running ahead.

my mom: "Oh!" [expecting something along the lines of aaaaaaww...] "what an ugly dog!"
me: [incredulous surprise and laughter]

[a few moments later, we pull up to our driveway. i see the neighbors' dogs sitting on the lawn watching us approach.]
me: our neighbors' dogs are pretty cute, though they're loud.
mom: THEY'RE NOT CUTE AT ALL! i saw them eating their poop once. one dog was in front, pooping. the other was behind, eating it. they weren't even eating their own poop. true story. i saw it with my eyes.

[she then goes on to regale me with reasons for not understanding the dog-owning population. i cannot stop laughing.]


example 2: a few weeks ago, Mom, Dad and i were watching P.S. I Love You (did i mention that i also love my mother for her deliciously abysmal taste in movies? i once had to sit thru Failure To Launch with her, because no one else in the house would submit themselves to that kind of self-torture.)
there's a scene in the movie where Lisa Kudrow's character is walking around a bar meeting single guys. the scene goes like this:

Lisa Kudrow: Are you single?
Guy 1: Yes.
Lisa: Are you gay?
Guy 1: Yes.
[she walks away]
Lisa: [a few frames later] Are you single?
Guy 2: Yes.
Lisa: Are you gay?
Guy 2: No.
Lisa: Are you working?
Guy 2: No.
[she walks away]

so my parents and i thought that was pretty funny. my dad started thinking out loud, "i wonder what question comes after that?

are you single?
are you gay?
are you working?

are you healthy? (dad)
are you an alcoholic? (me)


"are you insured?!" (my mother)

my dad and i started crying we were laughing so hard. apparently, medical insurance is extremely important if you want to date my mother.


p.s. the title for this post is so delightfully Buster, that it reminded me i should post the rules for the Arrested Development drinking game we made up for last week's awesome party. and pictures!

No comments: