"Fire is motion / Work is repetition / This is my document / We are all all we've done / We are all all we've done / We are all all we've done / We are all all defenses."

- Cap'N Jazz, "Oh Messy Life," Analphabetapolothology

Monday, September 29, 2008

sometimes you just need to be reminded

school sucks. what else is new? whether you're a student, or a teacher, the school is not a pleasant place to be.

sometimes i feel myself sinking into this deep and dark depression where i lose all sense of hope and possibility. i once believed that the school was the place for change and revolution. i now understand why ppl would hear me talk with my hopeful idealism and laugh.

it's only the first day of the week, and i am already counting down the days until friday. my friend Tim and i were dreaming out loud about a place where we would be able to enjoy teaching, and would love going to work every day, but that place is not where i work.

it's hard to feel like my job is worth the time and suffering i put into it when every day i suspect the students would be just as happy (if not more) if i weren't there. the ones who say they "love" math are liars and/or sycophants. and i must admit, i'm even growing to fall for it. the ass-kissers are at least trying to make my job a little easier.

i came here with bold ideas for reforming education and changing pedagogy to empower youth and change the world. but the more i actually teach, the more i lose my belief that democratic education and revolutionary pedagogy are possible in american public education. at least, certainly not in anything but a higher educational setting.

i read this livejournal entry by my friend Brandon, and felt sad and nostalgic to be reminded of the kind of education i once called "a dream."

indeed, unrealized.


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