"Fire is motion / Work is repetition / This is my document / We are all all we've done / We are all all we've done / We are all all we've done / We are all all defenses."

- Cap'N Jazz, "Oh Messy Life," Analphabetapolothology

Sunday, March 29, 2009

mortal weakness

the sound of cardboard scraping against itself makes me violently uncomfortable.

something about the dryness of the sound makes me squirm and wince with visible physical discomfort, as if my body had just been covered in scales and someone was rubbing them the wrong way with sandpaper.

i feel it in my left ear too, as if a bubble had filled up with water inside and sonar was being pulsed thru to my eardrum, a million vibrations threatening to pop and flood my ear with this menacing sound, my human equivalent to what i imagine a dog whistle's effects are on canines.

this makes christmases and birthdays and other celebrations that occasion giftwrap potentially dangerous. i must exercise delicate caution when folding paper or assembling gift boxes. paper products, when rubbed together, create a sound that is hardly a sound, mostly a sensation, and from which ear plugs or other devices provide no protection.

this debilitating idiosyncracy has prevented me from entering an otherwise promising career in paper arts, or the decorative giftwrapping sciences.

instead, i teach special ed in South Central, and encounter my mortal weakness when opening mail, unwrapping packages, opening boxes of cereal.


edit: apparently, i'm not alone. at least matt "l.o." l. agrees that this sound "makes him want to die." but other ppl seem to love that sound. there must be a name for this neurosis?

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