Google fame

you know, sometimes i wonder if i only do this for the possibility of Google fame...

yes, that rising from ordinary obscurity to a sort of slight internet celebrity, where, should someone enter my name into a search engine, they would get my website, because i am the most credible/interesting/prolific/important/self-righteous/right-on "stephanie lee" they are ever going to find and will ever need to know. forget the others; i'm the only "stephanie lee" that matters.

sadly, that is not true, nor do i really want it to be. i've thankfully managed to remain sufficiently under the surface, a faint echo or whisper of a ghost in the ripples.

there are many a "stephanie lee" out there, and what variety! writers, ceramics artists, healers and therapists, visual effects coordinators, and a vigilante musician! oh my, how can i possibly compete with that??!

strangers only find me from amidst the murk of possible searches, including searches for "miami v. tom brinkman" or, recently, "everybody look at me song" (see this). there's also the occasional wanderer who finds my site b/c they were searching for a comparison of THE DEPARTED and INFERNAL AFFAIRS (a more in-depth one to come...). and then there's the random ones, my favorites, such as "infinity tunnel making" and "righting t shirts." then there's some depressing searches, ones i'm sad ppl found my sight for, such as "do kittens cry with tears" or "sophomore slump symptoms." then there's those who find my sight b/c they were searching for spam, and i tend to post "spam poetry."

and then there are the searches i'm ashamed for, such as this recent surprise: "John Devenanzio nude." i wasn't even aware that i had written anything about this john devnaniaziosdfsdsas fellow until i went back thru my archives and realized it was a satirical post. that ppl were searching for him nude is kinda funny in a way then, but no less disappointing.

so anyway, i guess what i am saying is that all this google stuff is kinda funny. and one really must be careful what they write about, for one never knows when one will show up in some random searching and dredging of the internet's murky deeps.

but, thankfully, none of this matters to me, since i don't do it to be published, nor for the fame, tho it seemed that way when i began this post. really, i just enjoy the talking and sharing with strangers all over.

and of course, the endless humor.

yours in cyber space,
"stephanie lee"


p.s. none of this matters anyway, since i've REALLY been doing all these fine things under the psuedonym of "stephanie lee." my real name is marlboro galveston (yes, that's right), and i take many shapes and guises. the ones listed above are just the first layer of this elaborate web of deceit i've crafted to fool you! it's all a part of my plan to make the internet completely dominated by a force known as "stephanie lee." so mwahahahahaha....!!! !!! !1 !! !! !!

p.p.s. another facet of the deception. didn't you know "i" was into taxidermy? well, it's true.

simple gifts

it came in a green shiny plastic folder, a preparation my father no doubt had prepared and slipped for me under my door while i was getting ready for bed.

when i opened it, i immediately understood what it was, and could do nothing more than pick it up and read it right where i stood, standing in my room, surrounded by books and remnants of childhood, feverishly reading these papers from beginning to end.

it was my brother's application essay.

this was the essay i had spent an hour talking to him on the phone about, the longest i had ever spoken to my brother in at least ten years. it was for his application to Stanford, the college of his dreams, and the proverbial basket for all of his hopes and future chickens.

the prompt asked him to recount something a person he knew had said to him that changed his life or inspired him, and why.

and my brother, with his endless knowledge of historical figures and speeches, had written about me.

when i recall the night of our hour-long conversation, i remember thinking that he could write about me, but i never dared suggest it. never even entertained a hope that this kind of suggestion would fly, that he would even consider it, that he didn't have a million other people to talk about. furthermore, i never wanted to assume a role of authority in my brother's life, he got enough of that from my parents. no, i opted for a hands-off approach, and encouraged him to do whatever made him happy. sure, that might have undermined my parents' authority (and i did occasionally take the flak for that), but i was happy to be the voice of dissension when it came to my little brother. as the older sibling, wasn't it my job to understand both my parents and my brother, to reflect on my childhood and the role my parents played in it, to yearn for a happier time without all the nagging, and to be the parent and unconditional love my brother always wanted? i was the one that was supposed to go through the worst of my parents' experiments; my brother was supposed to get the improved and streamlined versions.

i grew up with my life planned for me, with every potential glorified and encouraged, my every misstep serving as a lesson for improvement. i was raised to be a superstar, an academic over-achiever, an all A's student and a scholar, a leader, a trophy child. i was to be the bragging right of both my parents.

but since i refused to attend an ivy league college, essentially dashing the hopes set out for me since childhood, i have felt endlessly disappointing to both my parents and myself. when everyone has such lofty expectations for you, you begin to believe your own hype, and then lose yourself when you lose sight of the potentials people imagined for you.

i ended up a nervous wreck, a misguided kid who mistook grades for achievement. now, i'm a sufferer of stress and sleepless nights because i argue with professors for every point on an exam, a perfectionist who considers a 94 an unacceptable step down from my usual 100's. i can never succeed, because my own standards set me up for failure. i'm never happy with my schoolwork, despite the fact that people tell me i'm brilliant. "Really?" i ask, dumbfounded by their blind disregard for that B i got in Intro to Comm my freshman year. i remind them: "Intro to Comm! It was an introduction to communications class!" with so much potential, and so many high hopes, you're bound to fall short of one of them eventually. and with all the running about and the lack of stopping for breaths, it's a wonder i didn't burn out sooner.

but my brother, in the cool kid way he's always done, saw through all that and wrote about me. he understood the pressure we were under as kids to succeed. he wrote about it as "an unofficial war" we waged "since we were children," a war for the attention and approval of our parents. i think we both knew what was going on, and what child doesn't understand the subtle ways in which parents can pit their own children against each other, forcing them to compete and better themselves through comparison? over time, this kind of competition can destroy you, can tear you apart, driving siblings away. it happened with my brother and me: we never talked any more, because school had become our lives, and you don't reveal your strategies and secrets to the enemy.

i guess enough time and distance has come between us that we can reach out to one another now. he's applying to colleges, and i've been despising mine for so long now that i consider myself a specialist in what to avoid in an institution of higher learning. i was also kind of a wiz at the admissions process, having applied to schools for fun or something when i was his age four years ago (i'm not even kidding, i remember sending off a total of FOURTEEN (14) separate applications by the time December 1st hit).

but as much as i consider myself a hot shot, it was truly humbling to see that the simplest gesture had made a profound impact on my brother (or, at the very least, important enough to inspire a college essay): he wrote about my first holiday home from college, and how i had simply uttered these simple words: "You're a great student, I'm sure you'll do fine." so simple, i bet i said them on auto-polite [sic]. but they meant enough to him. my brother has also kept post-its i've left on his door the nights before big exams, like the one on his door now, which reads "Good luck today, Cal! (Not that you'll need it) -Steph"

despite my own misguided flailings [sic] in the educational system and my increasing desire to drop out, it was jarring to see that when i thought no one cared any more, there was one person who is still watching.

and it makes my heart so warm and glad to think that of all the things i have accomplished and of all the things i dreamt about doing with my life, the one that brings me to tears from laughter and gladness is an essay by my brother, an essay that is surely going to land him a place in Stanford, which i don't even think deserves him.

thankfully home for a happy thanksgiving,
stephanie


p.s. if i get enough requests i will post the essay my brother wrote. it's really a brilliant work, because it's honest and quirky. no where else will you find such open and personable writing with HISTORICAL ANALOGIES so masterfully interlaced and interchanged! the kid's a prince. a real prince. an example, in speaking of our sibling rivalry: "like the intense American-Soviet deadlock of the past half century, my sister and i each did all we could to overcome the other and finally win this long struggle." who wouldn't want a kid who knows his history well enough to make an ANALOGY out of it?! fools! only fools!

independent television is chock-full of satire

especially when you get creative scottish types, such as these:

"Thank you Bono, for completely confusing all of the issues and saying we are helping Africa by privatizing it! Thank you Bono!!"

-at the 2005 G8 summit protest in Edinborough, Scotland.

bark n run,
stephanie

p.s. this clip is from a chicago indymedia episode of their independent TV program, which i worked on this past summer. it's pretty much the sweetest thing i've ever done in front of a camera...

everybody look at me, me!

so i got bored in-between classes today and thought i would mess around with my audio editing software. i really liked the beat on this song ["Maneater" by Nelly Furtado], and thought it was really funny how happy it made me.

and my friends were asking me to change the message on my phone for such a long time now, i thought i would give em what they wanted.

and this is what they're getting:



ho ho haha, they're gonna wish they never ever met me at all.
-stephanie ;-)

GET UP/OFF/OUT AND VOTE!!!!

don't even try to give me that bullshit about how your vote doesn't count... that's the kind of attitude and stubborn apathetic boringness that keeps the revolution from kicking ass!

so do it! cause it's fun!
coz it's the right thing to do!
cus it's empowering!
koz they give you a sticker!
cos it's the easiest way to rock the revolution!
cuz we live in a democracy!
kus it's sexy.

do it do it!
-stephanie

p.s. a nice little note: the sticker says: "Change our world: Vote your Conscience" (which of course means: VOTE DEMOCRAT!!!! just kidding... but seriously... is there any other option?)

fiery furnaces concert review (11.4.06)

so, i journeyed afar this weekend to see the fiery furnaces play a show in columbus, ohio. the set was fantastic, bursting with high energy and momentous beats... eleanor was a brilliant stage presence, despite her maladie, a little throat trouble she preferred to call "Mr. Froggy McRibbit."

for those who appreciate something more than ordinary, you should consider giving albums Blueberry Boat and their newest, Bitter Tea, a listen. it's slightly obscure indie rock with a twist of lemon and bumpy gravel... gravel collected from travelled roads in jungles and ancient forests, wedged into tire treads and gathered in shoes... gravel made from fruity pebbles cereal.

in short, they're fantastic, and that's why i was willing to travel the distance to see them live. i knew they would put on a wild show, and indeed it was everything i expected.

give their music a try. it's certainly a "bitter tea," a bit of a difficult brew to swallow at first, but so smooth and warming to the heart once you finally get it down, you'll wonder why you never thought to try it before...

-stephanie

BORAT!!

yes, that's Borat with a !!

as in, the film's official title is actually "BORAT!"! (...well, actually, the official title is "Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan"... "BORAT!" for short)

so every time i have spoken or written about Borat in the past, i should have used 2 !'s!

it gets confusing, doesn't it?!

enough talkie talkie, just go see it!
-stephan!e

p.s. necessary viewing before you see the film: his reprotings! [sic] it's good stuff ;-)

is bono trying to tell us something??!?

so my social entrepreneurship class is working with mrs. bono (as in, the wife of irish "rockstar"/u2 frontman bono) to promote and expand their existing "socially conscious" clothing line, EDUN.

EDUN aims to help the people of lesotho, africa (yes, the lesotho of recent diamond fame) by creating living wage jobs in the garment industry. every process in the production of the clothes for EDUN are done by african laborers (for a living wage) and then shipped back here for sale in the US (at a hefty price of upwards from $45 for a t-shirt).

i only have a few qualms about this:

first, at $45+ for a t-shirt, even if it is made by a well-fed african laborer, do they think their business is going to make enough sales to dramatically impact the lives of all the workers? and how many workers are actually working at these factories? enough to change life in lesotho for everyone? and what about the rest of africa?

even though EDUN aspires to help the citizens of lesotho, africa by creating living wage jobs in the manufacturing of factory-made t-shirts, i don't necessarily think industrialization is appropriate for sustainable growth. this may help the few ppl actually working the jobs, and maybe their families, but what are the odds this will actually help their place in the global economy?

also, industrialization has a history of destroying cultures and communities in the name of economic growth.

further, having workers in africa make t-shirts for sale in the US requires shipment of supplies and products across seas, and takes away from the possibility of growing local business. products made are shipped out, with no immediate local impact, besides the fact of the wages themselves, which, though they are living wages, still doesn't take away from the fact that they are wages in the place of one's labor.

even though lesotho citizens are getting living wages at these jobs, the fact is that they are still working to produce objects of consumption, products which they don't themselves consume. as any marx scholar would be able to tell you, this is alienation as a result of the capitalist system at its best. and speaking of capitalism...

rather then helping to eliminate the source of the problem (: CAPITALISM), this model perpetuates the very source of strife in our modern world. think about it: if capitalism didn't exist, everything we did would not revolve around this abstract and arbitrary numerical monetary value we place on it, but would only depend on its use value. thus, the things we produce wouldn't be cheap in quality because that makes it cheaper to produce, and things would last longer, and would be of more use to us as people.

AND, rather than have our lives consumed by the act of consumption, we could live to produce meaningful labor. that is, rather than working to earn the money we need to buy the products of someone else's reluctant labor, we could work together to produce things of value to us, rather than laboring and spending our energies on empty $'s.

thus, materialism is not the way. and capitalism only serves to maintain the status quo and continue to imprison our fellow human beings. for, as long as capitalism exists along with a system of production and consumption, we remain slaves to the $, limited in our potential by the hope of material advancement.

and of course, as long as capitalism exists, the lower working classes will always exist to make the upper elite feel special. and that goes against the very idea of democracy.


and finally:
EDUN = NUDE backwards.

LIVE = EVIL.

EDUN LIVE = EVIL NUDE.


but don't get me wrong. i mean, i think bono's idea is great. and though a little flawed, it's at least a step in the right direction. but what we really need, i mean really REALLY need, is systemic change.

and the annihalation of capitalism. :-)

but hey, it's a start.

groveling before the shrine of bono,
stephanie

p.s. i stayed up all night for the second night in a row working on a paper for this class.
and i feel like my spine is melting.

i dislike business class. it makes my heart stop beating.