if only i could Google my life

i curse technology for creating itself* and nurturing my development as a human, for in the process i've become totally dependent!

we don't do anything ourselves any more. sure, it started with the little things: first we were using abacuses, and then we had to invent the calculator, and pretty soon it was supercomputers and smart bombs and satellite TV, and now people can't even get anywhere by reading maps any more, it's all GPS, a robot woman telling you exactly when to turn! we may not have personal robot slaves like ppl always imagined we would "in the future" but that's b/c everything we do and need is a robot of some kind, hell, we're robots! we're slaves to our own progress!

anyway, this is all just because i've been reading thru some old correspondences on my computer today. and in one of my emails i signed off with the phrase "everything is broken. we need to accept it and move on." now, this sounds so familiar, and i know i wrote it, but the use of the quotes in the email makes me think it might also be from something else, maybe a song or a movie, maybe a book? but the thing is, when i typed it into google, nothing came up except for a Bob Dylan song, which i haven't even heard before, and i don't even really listen to Dylan.

when i performed the same search in all my emails, nothing came up except for this one email (the same one that sent me searching in the first place). very confusing. i remember this being a significant phrase to me, mid-December 2007, right around my senior project fiasco. but i still can't quite place the source or the original context for this quote, and i love it so much. i just want to know if i wrote it, and was quoting myself in a different context, or if i owe someone else for these appropriate (and appropriated) words that are striking so true today. i need to know how my life is repeating itself, how the cycles are forming, why everything today feels like a deja vu but i can't quite figure out the difference between dreams and waking.

so, in my desperate search for the origin of this quote, i became overwhelmingly upset that i couldn't just build a large search engine for my life that would distill data from my brain, the brains of everyone around me, all my documents, notepads, every scrap piece of paper, my pockets, my desk drawers and my various lockers and lock-boxes, a machine that could read the indentions of my hand for notes now long washed away, that could recover erased phone messages and away messages and dry-erase board messages, that could mine all my memories and subconscious thoughts and all the music, movies, books and websites i've ever paid even the slightest bit of attention to, and present a nice list of all the relevant pieces pertaining to this one quote, from the entire whole of my existence.

wouldn't that be lovely?

but no. i guess humans aren't made that way. too bad we aren't. maybe in the future we will be. maybe right now, some super robot tech man is reading this and devising the next BIG THING of the century...

powers!
-stephanie


* "but Stephanie," you say, "things don't 'create' themselves, spontaneous generation is a fallacy!" oh-ho-ho, au contraire! what i'm suggesting is that "technology" was created by robots. that's right, the "people" who gave us the internet are really just trying to feed the cancer that is slowly taking over our lives... mwahahhahaa!!! (gives new meaning to "self-made man" doesn't it? ponder that for a while!)

an o.k. kind of knowingness

i'm pleased to be found on the top 10 list of returns for a web search of "miami university - not liking it" [done by a MU student on campus, or so says the traffic report]


it's like when someone came upon this sight [sic] while searching for "sophomore slump symptoms," or any of the odd searches that bring ppl to this place.

-stef

looks like i've made it

the google searches for ["stephanie lee" write] yield this blog as the very first hit.


now that's a hit.
-stephan!e

Google fame

you know, sometimes i wonder if i only do this for the possibility of Google fame...

yes, that rising from ordinary obscurity to a sort of slight internet celebrity, where, should someone enter my name into a search engine, they would get my website, because i am the most credible/interesting/prolific/important/self-righteous/right-on "stephanie lee" they are ever going to find and will ever need to know. forget the others; i'm the only "stephanie lee" that matters.

sadly, that is not true, nor do i really want it to be. i've thankfully managed to remain sufficiently under the surface, a faint echo or whisper of a ghost in the ripples.

there are many a "stephanie lee" out there, and what variety! writers, ceramics artists, healers and therapists, visual effects coordinators, and a vigilante musician! oh my, how can i possibly compete with that??!

strangers only find me from amidst the murk of possible searches, including searches for "miami v. tom brinkman" or, recently, "everybody look at me song" (see this). there's also the occasional wanderer who finds my site b/c they were searching for a comparison of THE DEPARTED and INFERNAL AFFAIRS (a more in-depth one to come...). and then there's the random ones, my favorites, such as "infinity tunnel making" and "righting t shirts." then there's some depressing searches, ones i'm sad ppl found my sight for, such as "do kittens cry with tears" or "sophomore slump symptoms." then there's those who find my sight b/c they were searching for spam, and i tend to post "spam poetry."

and then there are the searches i'm ashamed for, such as this recent surprise: "John Devenanzio nude." i wasn't even aware that i had written anything about this john devnaniaziosdfsdsas fellow until i went back thru my archives and realized it was a satirical post. that ppl were searching for him nude is kinda funny in a way then, but no less disappointing.

so anyway, i guess what i am saying is that all this google stuff is kinda funny. and one really must be careful what they write about, for one never knows when one will show up in some random searching and dredging of the internet's murky deeps.

but, thankfully, none of this matters to me, since i don't do it to be published, nor for the fame, tho it seemed that way when i began this post. really, i just enjoy the talking and sharing with strangers all over.

and of course, the endless humor.

yours in cyber space,
"stephanie lee"


p.s. none of this matters anyway, since i've REALLY been doing all these fine things under the psuedonym of "stephanie lee." my real name is marlboro galveston (yes, that's right), and i take many shapes and guises. the ones listed above are just the first layer of this elaborate web of deceit i've crafted to fool you! it's all a part of my plan to make the internet completely dominated by a force known as "stephanie lee." so mwahahahahaha....!!! !!! !1 !! !! !!

p.p.s. another facet of the deception. didn't you know "i" was into taxidermy? well, it's true.

sophomore slump symptoms

haha, another funny:

one of the visitors to my sight has been a harvard student looking for "sophomore slump symptoms."

oh dear sweet child, i know what that's like. o believe me, i know. and sorry to break it to you, but junior year is no better.

i am seriously depressed, despite my guises.
-stephanie

infinity tunnel making

just something that made me smile:

i was looking at my site visit details today when i realized someone from dronten, flevoland had done a google search for "infinity tunnel making" and had gotten my site blOgbuefi.

that makes me pleased. the idea of people in the netherlands and their infinity tunnel making...

and that i might have been a part of such wonderful magic. ~~~<3
-steph