"Fire is motion / Work is repetition / This is my document / We are all all we've done / We are all all we've done / We are all all we've done / We are all all defenses."

- Cap'N Jazz, "Oh Messy Life," Analphabetapolothology

Saturday, December 29, 2007

"i shall name one Marvin, and i will train him to go directly for the testicles!"

that piece of carrot is really the remainder of a disembodied finger...
but where's the body? HE ATE IT.

you ask. intrigued? that is a quote from a conversation with my dear friend Brandon (read on...)

you see, senior project does some horrible things to people. mostly, there's a feeling of disempowerment, overwhelming depression, occasional health problems and feelings of self-unworth. there are also, in extreme cases, feelings of surprising hatred and violence. as Brandon put it, senior project "makes me want to commit heinous acts!" (you're not alone, B. you're not alone...)

the salve for such tough times? flesh-hungry hamsters. that's right. rodents with the insatiable taste for mammal blood.

Brandon: [sr proj] makes me want to commit heinous acts. and that is all i have to say about that!
11:59 AM did u finally turn in sr proj?
Brandon: yeah, and bill apparently wrote back within three hours. i made the stupid mistake of just opening it and reading what he had to say
me: oh no
Brandon: which was basically 'get rid of your first 25 pages and then we'll talk'
me: how is it he read the whole thing in 3 hours?
12:00 PM
what's wrong with yr first 25 pages??
he can't just say that, wtf
Brandon: sooooo i dont even know
im going to try not to dwell on it though. i was quite pleased with my paper, actually. something i wasnt expecting
12:01 PM me: well that's good, as long as you like it
did he send back comments?
Brandon: yeah
i could actually hear him yelling them as he was typing them. they weren't just little fixes and whatever. they were things that you could easily tell were being yelled in all their glory
12:02 PM me: oh geez, that's how his comments to my first 30 were...
yep, he's a yeller...
12:03 PM he should be put down ... like Old Yeller
take him out back to the shed...
12:04 PM Brandon: there is one part where he actually sounds kind of dumb though...in my intro at the end when im talking about what's going to be in each chapter, i didn't really go into detail on the chapters i hadn't started yet, i just wrote sentences that were place holders like "in this chapter i'm going to talk about blah blah and blah' and he wrote this really nasty comment about how paragraphs can't be one sentence long as if i didnt already know that
we should feed him to a bear
12:06 PM me: i hate those stupid comments he makes
like, he really thinks we're children
12:07 PM that we haven't learned that paragraphs aren't one sentence long, or that we don't know how to use spell check (something he actually accused me of)
i mean, we're college students, give us a LITTLE credit
12:08 PM he inspires violent urges in me
12:09 PM Brandon: seriously. one of my favorites is there is something grammatically that i was doing wrong, and it happened like 3 or 4 times in my paper. the first time he just pointed it out and im like okay, i'll fix that but then for the other times it happens he gets like more and more violent with his responses, as if i heard him while he made his first comment and was too stupid to do anything about them at the time
me: HA
yeah, definitely seen that before
12:10 PM
i want to unleash flesh-hungry hamsters on him
12:11 PM Brandon: flesh hungry hamsters would be QUITE delightful!
me: maybe i'll do that instead of writing my paper then... it seems a more worthy use of time
12:12 PM
if i got some hamsters now, and gave them a taste for mammal blood, they'd be raring to go by the time school started again
Brandon: this is a good point you make

12:15 PM me:
12:16 PM i'll spend some time making harnesses for them too, so i can unleash them en masse
swarming, like a flesh-hungry twitching rodent blanket
doesn't that sound delightful??
Brandon: yes. a living blanket of flesh eating fuzz
12:17 PM with eyes only for Bill
me: wow, suddenly i'm much more excited about the school year beginning again
12:18 PM Brandon: ahhh!! and then bill has the audacity to end his email with 'good luck' ooooooh go fuck yourself bill
[15 minutes later...]
me: alas, back to the project...
enjoy boston
glad to see u made it safely
Brandon: thank you! and good luck with all the shit
me: it was a pleasure dreaming of flesh-hungry hamsters with you!
Brandon: inDEED!
i look forward to the day
me: mmhmm
12:26 PM i shall name one marvin, and i will train him to go directly for the testicles!
Brandon: yes please!!
me: oh, poor marvin...
Brandon: it's a worthy sacrifice
me: indeed
12:27 PM tho it may be too late, as i believe the seed of his loins has already been sewn
Brandon: really?
me: how, you ask? MAGIC
Brandon: thats not something i want to be picturing
me: i don't believe it's human, it can't be
it's at least half EVIL
Brandon: probbaly at least 3/4 evil
12:28 PM because bill just has that much to give


remaerdyaD said...


Must confess, tho. I am a yeller myself. When I work alone I either put on my mp3 and sing along with the half dozen covertunes I do or I pretent some of the more bitchy (and I never use the b-word) volunteer staff whose insulting manner is only less astounding-ly borked by the insulting minutae of their attacks on me personally.

Is it not nice to have friends to support and defend?

I guess I could play devil's somethingorother and write that I guess spellcheckers are a constant threat to usage. But as I am well known to state with my english friends, "if you understand what I say then I am correct in my grammar irrelevant of whether the monarch approves of its correctness," it is proly best if I leave the devil to speedread thesis sans moi.

So is the real pain here that you have to balance self-expression with that which pleases the prof and that the trade-off, while dehumanizing, may limit your future grading? (I am a high school drop-out, btw)

remaerdyaD said...

Oops, that is, I pretent/d that the volunteer staff is there in the flesh with me...

remaerdyaD said...

Just published my first video on my blog. Yay!

It is via blogger (well, go0glevideo technically, but such is blogger.com), so I can delay hacking youtube for the time being.

PS apologies if linking is bad form on your blog.

remaerdyaD said...

Just discovered that if you, steph the organizer, post a video through your blog editor, then "http://stephanie-lee.blogspot.com/rss.xml" becomes your default video podcast feed. (Yours presently is listed in my podcatcher as "free rad!cals" with "No episodes found.", meaning you have no video directly upload to your blog - I think this might change as youtube becomes more google-ized this year.)

Is this helpful?

stephan!e lee said...

neat-o. thanks for explaining that to me. i'll have to play with it later, right now i'm holed up (literally, i'm in a HOLE) in my room writing my undergraduate thesis. i will re-emerge in 2008 when (hopefully) things are done.

i'm ready to be rid of 07!


remaerdyaD said...

Yes. Yes. This is what I assumed, thought I did not know the situation demanded a "hole" until now.

Which is why I says, thank you for responding diligently and have a good news years day.

~ remaerdyaD